The title of this blog is fairly erroneous and primarily for shock value. Like headlines from the Associated Press.
Anyway...I was recently conversing with my good pal Buddy Cole over the telephone. The conversation seemed to be going well. Even if he did completely rip apart Bronco's. home of the best freakin' food on the planet. Okay, he didn't really rip on them. In fact he wasn't even really negative about them. I'm finding it really hard to rag on Buddy.
So we were talking movies, as we often do, and The Fantastic Four came up.
It was more than apparent Buddy wasn't impressed with the film. I told him it was a good "popcorn flick". You know, the kind of movie you see once, it ain't bad, but it certainly isn't as good as, say, Super Troopers. Buddy's reply was pretty funny, actually…"It had better be some good popcorn."
Well it WAS good popcorn. They use real butter at the Jordan Creek theaters. They also serve ice cream, pizza, and a wide variety of food. Oh yeah, they also serve Nathan's hot dogs. Yum. So IN Y OUR FACE, Buddy Cole!! Ok, I know that was weak…
What the hell am I typing about? Oh yeah! Jessica Alba in spandex! Mr. Cole, I don't care how good your popcorn is, that's worth the price of admission (matinee pricing).
When this movie came out, my good friend Ryan (of point/counterpoint fame, as well as an upcoming project to be announced in the next few days), his lovely wife Christa, and I all went to see this movie when it came out. My wife and daughter were out of town visiting relatives, so I was free to be a third wheel.
We hit the mall, and grabbed some food court grub. I could go on and on about this mall staple, but that's the stuff of another blog. As we were eating, we saw some guy we used to work with…CLEANING TABLES. He apparently suffered a bout of class consciousness and proceeded to tell Ryan and I how he was in charge of the whole operation. Yet he was CLEANING TABLES. I won't throw out names, but Chuck, come on. Have some dignity and act like you don't recognize us.
I'm having focus problems today. The movie. The Fantastic Four movie is based off of a Marvel Comics team of the same name. There's Reed Richards, or Mr. Fantastic. He can stretch. This was a pretty creepy effect, really, and makes you wonder what all he can stretch. He's the brains of the outfit, and is kind of a dork. Not much of a sense of humor, fairly dry and has the propensity to ramble using long words. He's the leader of the group.
Next up is Jessica Alba in spandex. She plays Sue Storm, the Invisible Woman. She is spunky, assertive, yet soft and loving at the same time (puke). She and Reed "had a thing". She is the brother to Johnny Storm, the Human Torch. Now when I was a kid, I read comics, and the Human Torch was one of my favorite characters. He was hip, funny, and always got the hoes.
Lastly, there is the ever lovin' Thing. Ben Grimm is a big giant guy like the Hulk, but made of rock. He doesn't like it, see. People think he looks like a monster, and it makes him sad. He and Johnny Storm get on each other's nerves and hijinks ensue. Ben and Reed were best pals. I'm not sure why, considering Reed's intellect and Ben's dimwitted approach to pretty much everything. Perhaps Reed isn't so smart after all, and feels the need to surround himself with embiciles to keep his self-esteem afloat. I do that.
So they all are on a space mission sponsored by the film's bad guy, Victor Von Doom (Dr. Doom). He also goes along. Whilst in space, they are all infected by cosmic radiation that gives them their powers/disfigurations. Long story short, Doom goes nuts, is bad, Reed, Sue, Johnny, and Ben realize they need to be a team to take him down, and take him down they do.
This was not cinematic history in the making. It was like watching the breezy fun of a mid-season replacement sit-com.
So why was it good? It was good because, while it attempted a little too much to be funny, it stuck fairly close to what I remember the comic book to be like. In the comic Reed was a nerd, but you liked him anyway. Check. Ben Grimm was cool and didn't take crap from anyone. Check. Johnny Storm was awesome, cool powers, and always irritating authority figures, and Sue was just kind of there. The movie had these things.
When you go to a comic movie, the bar should not be Batman Begins or Superman 2. The bar needs to be George Clooney's Batman. Why? Because EVERYTHING is better. I strongly believe that a comic book movie made about Iron Man trying to get out of his armor to go to the bathroom, but there are a problem with the servos, and he tries for 90 minutes to get out of the darn suit would be better than watching George Clooney in Batman.
The Fantastic Four had great special effects, and the scene at the bridge in the beginning was pretty awesome. Doom was a reject, but it wasn't the governor of California playing Mr. Freeze. Johnny Storm genuinely made me laugh.
Buddy Cole, do not relegate yourself to "movie snob". Do, however, go to apple.com and watch the trailer to the next Fantastic Four movie. That trailer was better than the entire first movie.