Steve's Bar & Grille

The Human Centipede

2011-10-23T17:08:00.000-07:00

All right, let's get something straight. Some movies should not be made, which is to say that some movies should not be watched. I mean, if you don't make it, you can't watch it, right?

The Human Centipede is brought to us by people who hate. Pretty simple, really, they are pure evil. The kind of evil that is brought to you by old ladies at the grocery store who start fishing for their checkbook AFTER the cashier has scanned 200 dollars worth of Werther's, Depends, and hard candy (to be stored for a minimum of 15 years prior to being put into a dish).

Ashley C. Williams, rawr.

This movie features the creepiest guy on the planet playing an evil doctor who wants to sew three people together...centipede-style. This means that there is a front, middle, and end. The middle and end have the distinct joy of being sewn to the BUTTHOLE of the person they are behind.

Sounding like a great idea? It really isn't.

The good: the evil Doctor was a bit over the top in his acting, but as far as creepy looks go, he wins. He was like a tall, frail Hitler. Also good was Ashley C. Williams as "Lindsey". I might be a touch biased because she was hot.

The bad: all the Japanese screaming. Our friend at the front of the human centipede was a Japanese male who screamed so much, it made me not want to watch Ninja Warrior ever again. Also bad was the character of Jenny. Within her first few minutes of screen time, I was begging her to be put in a sleeping bag and smashed against a tree, Jason Voorhees-style. The rest of the bad was the rest of the movie.

Save yourself. If you don't have a strong stomach, you will dislike this movie. I do not have a strong stomach, and this movie is my new weight loss technique. If you do have a strong stomach, and like creepy thrillers, I would rate this fairly high, to be honest.

I am going to watch Teletubbies to try and see what kind of shock I can provide to my system.

Book 'em

2011-09-17T10:40:00.000-07:00

Awesome.

There is a new Five-0, I know. This is Five-O. See the difference? The new show, whose second season debuts on Monday night, has a zero, while the old show has a capital "O". Normally that should be all I need to say, but I'll go on.

Thanks to some recent medical issues, I've been laid up (day 70 with a broken back). When I saw that the original Hawaii Five-O series was available on Netflix Instant Queue, I wanted to jump up and down! Instead, I opted to move my neck a little bit, and say "Huh, cool!"

My brother Todd and I would watch the original Five-O all the time back in the day. This show, while not near as fast-paced as the new Five-0, holds up very well with great writing, and a non-cheese approach to the show. For example, there would be no Ponch and John type endings where everyone starts laughing at some poor fall guy in the final scene only to freeze frame on the hijinx. With Jack Lord's Five-O, it was no-nonsense, gritty police work.

If you haven't seen this, or it's been a long time, slap this sucker in your instant queue and enjoy.

Is Charlie Sheen crazy?

2011-03-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

In a recent poll, the question was asked "Who is more crazy?"

I have the results.

Pol Pot: 7%
Adolph Hitler: 18%
Charles Manson: 19%
Charlie Sheen: 56%

He's WINNING again!!!!

TV

2011-02-11T07:09:00.000-08:00

Whoever pioneered DVR technology is my hero. I love to watch TV, but do not have the time to regularly do so. So on a lazy weekend day, I can catch up on 7 episodes of The Office, or whatever. So what's on TV?

Hawaii Five-0. As a fan of the original series, I was extremely apprehensive. Anytime the Hollywood morons remake a show from the old days, it has a campy twist that makes me want to wash my eyes with hydrochloric acid. Five-0 is an excellent show. Some old timers have been harsh in their criticism, citing such huge character differences, etc. My only comment to that is why would you do a remake, and then make everything the same? Old McGarrett was the best cop of his time, and new McGarrett is a tad reckless and tackles people at least once per show. 5 out of 5 Hula girls.

The Mentalist. I came into this show at the beginning of season 2 (it's in its 3rd season now). My wife was constantly yapping about great it was blah blah blah. I watched a couple minutes of it and felt like seeing how many fingers I could cut off before I passed out. After giving it a chance, I can't miss any show. Great lead actor, supporting cast is superb, and the continuity is pretty tight. This show does well in the ratings, but should do better. 5 out of 5 serial killers.

Parks and Recreation. Another show that, when it first came on, I hated it. I really, really hated it. I liked the cast, but as an ensemble, it felt forced, and was like watching the Terminator's torso crawling after Sarah Connor. Not just a scene of robot crawling...it felt like 30 minutes of that. Mind-numbing, truly. Then all of a sudden, it started clicking. I laugh harder at this than I do 30 Rock. Best characters: Ron Swanson and Andy. Andy is so incredibly funny in this show. During season one, I wondered what Andy might look like after a meteor fell on him, but from season two forward, the character has been brilliant. Hats off. The addition of Rob Lowe had me scratching my head, but his character is a riot. Watch this show. Now. 5 out of 5 Rashida Jones' (because she is smokin' hot).

The Office. Always a solid show, but it has its slow moments. It also has its deathly uncomfortable moments. Steve Carell is leaving the show, and I am hoping the show can go on and still have some quality attached to it. 3 out of 5 stars.

How I Met Your Mother. I can't say enough about this show. Brilliance. I think the chemistry is the key. Some shows have it, some don't. Happy Days, Seinfeld, Friends...all had great chemistry. Other shows like, oh, I don't know, To Catch a Predator...not so much. Doogie Howser is excellent in this show, and the female characters more than hold their own. 5 out of 5.

Modern Family. Best sitcom on TV. More great chemistry from all involved. The kids are hilarious, all 3 "families" are great...I'd tell people to watch it, but they already are, probably. 7 out of 5!

The Big Bang Theory. Always solid, always funny. While I haven't, and won't, miss an episode, I sometimes feel like every episode is somewhat the same. Still, there's always 3 or 4 "LOL" moments. 4 out of 5 nerds.

Dexter. I saved the best for last. Not since The Sopranos have I been roped into a show that was so insanely addictive. The Sopranos were never even close to this addictive. I have a friend who kept harping on me to watch it. I kept thinking "no." Once I saw seasons 1 and 2 were on the instant queue for Netflix, my excuses started to run out. I watched the first three episodes in a row. This was last November. I am now caught up (through season 5). GREAT STUFF. 10 out of 5 blood slides.

Wrestling is Real!!!!111!! 1

2011-02-10T07:00:00.000-08:00

Not sure what to say. Maybe I will say "WTF"?

Mailbag

2011-02-08T11:41:00.000-08:00

Since the outbreak of bubonic plague here at the SBG offices, the mail has been stacking up. Let's get right to it.

Steve,

You are a (insert expletive here).

Please write in with something newsworthy next time. I KNOW.

What do you think of (Valentino) Rossi driving a Ducati?

I think Rossi could drive a moped and have a shot at winning.

Hey man, I haven't seen you on Huskermax, what gives?

It's pretty simple, really. Two of the moderators, Red Reign and Chitownhusker, are the biggest tool-bags you'll ever encounter. Max is a great guy, but his moderator choices are pretty bad. Moderators of a high-traffic board should not act like 12 year old schoolgirls, who get their feelings hurt if you question anything they do. Huskermedic isn't any better. He's a tech nerd with no people skills. I post on 4 other Husker boards, BigHuskerFan, Huskerpedia, Huskerfanclub, and Bigredboard (tee hee) and on the first three boards I mentioned, they all know how shitty the mods on HM are. Once Red Reign and Chitown stop wearing panties and sticking their heads up each others' asses, that place would be a lot better. I know of 7 total people who would join but won't. There are a ton of great posters on HM, though.

Do some more point, counterpoints!!

FINE, I will! :)

Hello? Is This Thing On?

2011-02-07T07:40:00.000-08:00

I had 187 blogs last year. Unfortunately, there were some union problems, and I couldn't post them here until there was a resolution. Thanks for your patience.

Suh!

2009-12-23T08:10:00.000-08:00

Ndamukong Suh is the AP player of the year! First time that award has gone to the defensive side of the ball.

100th Post!

2009-09-06T09:59:00.000-07:00

Congrats to all the people who make the Steve's Bar & Grille blog happen. To celebrate the 100th post of this blog, I want to present to you all a photo that I think encapsulates the spirit of this institution.

Well, I'd be smiling, too.

Okie doke...it's the start of the college football season, thankfully, and the Nebraska Cornhuskers open up strong, slaughtering Florida Atlantic. Oklahoma lost in a big upset, beaten by that mormon mainstay BYU. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

What else...Iowa barely beats national powerhouse...*snicker* Northern Iowa.

I am going to stop typing now.

Iowa State Fair

2009-08-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

Some dude took this pic and I swiped it off of the interweb.

All righty, it's August, it's humid, and it's time for food on a stick. Ladies and germs, I present to you the Iowa State Fair.

In the week or 10 days the fair is going on, well over a million people attend. they can see a life size cow made of butter, 4H exhibits, tons of animals/people from Des Moines' east side (same thing, really), and they can eat TONS of crap.

I personally like the pork tenderloins and any other pork product.

I will be at the fair this week, and plan on taking some pictures. If there are some high-larious ones, I will post them. Otherwise, chances are high I will wait another 73 years to update this blog. Probably not that long, but you know.

If you are ever in Iowa, and God help you if you are, go to the Iowa State Fair. It actually can be a good time. However, on the day I decide to go, the heat is like Satan's breath, with humidity so thick it's like diving into a pool full of melting vaseline.

Yay!!

Whew!

2009-08-05T05:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I know it won't get a lot press, but I was the third prisoner released from North Korea. That's why there hasn't been any updates. Thank God for Bill Clinton. As I was boarding the plane, the two asian gals were greeting the former President, and I was excited to shake the hand that cigar'd Lewinski! Unfortunately, after the two journalists were on board, Clinton followed them in, saying something about the mile high threesome club.

Can't win 'em all.

While I was in North Korea, I had a great time serving in a labor camp where I got the crap beat out of me 2 times a day, had a pinky cut off (that's why I am typing slower, I knew you would notice), and was forced to eat nothing but nail polish.

In the meantime, enjoy this...

Flight of the Conchords

2009-02-15T17:57:00.001-08:00

Funny.

Guilty: Two Counts of Blog Neglect

2008-10-23T21:30:00.000-07:00

My good friend Ryan has reminded me that I suck. He did so in a tactful, sensitive manner as to not force me to go off the deep end, climb the clock tower, pour gasoline over my entire person and dive into a crowd of smokers, or watch Oprah.

That said, I am serving time for blog neglect. In Iowa, it's a 2-strike rule. Fortunately, they allow me to repent for 23 minutes per day as I wait for my lethal injection.

So what the hell? Good question.

The Office: Hilarious, as always. I still have never missed an episode. If I don't catch it when it is on, I watch that sucker later. It's a tough show to jump into unless you've seen 'em all. So if you try this show on my suggestion, and dive into it late, and have no idea what is going on, then screw you. I mean that nicely, in a loving "screw you" sort of way. One that isn't followed up with me shoving you down a flight of stairs.

Heroes: I enjoyed this show very much until this season. I am trying to enjoy it still. This last week's episode was a step in the right direction. SPOILER SPACE: (that's all the spoiler space you get, please refer to the aforementioned "screw you" scenario). Anyway, Hiro has gone from being naive, yet noble to an idiot. Peter Petrelli? Naive and noble and also now an idiot. Suresh? One of the best characters on the show, now also an idiot. The only redeeming quality in the season is Sylar. Pretty bad when your show's indiscriminate psychopath is the most reasonable, and least apt to fly off the handle. Harsh review? Maybe. I just expect great things from this show, and hope they turn it around.

Chuck: Best hour on TV.

My Own Worst Enemy: This Christian Slater vehicle is auto-biographical, apparently. Just kidding. It's actually surprisingly good so far (2 shows in). I have yet had the desire to launch anything or anyone valuable at the TV while watching it.

MotoGP: Thank God for Valentino Rossi. He is the 2008 champ, and deservedly so.

The Nebraska Cornhuskers: Missouri kills us at home. Ouch. What was worse was Virginia Tech, for me, as that was a game we were in, and should have won. Texas Tech beating us in OT is another one I can accept (I mean, come on, it's not like I have a choice, sitting here in cell block 2814). Baylor Saturday could be tricky, as Baylor isn't a great team, but they are not exactly the junior high team they used to be. We need to beat Baylor, K-State, and Colorado. Absolutely need to.

Lindsay Lohan: Not hot, never was hot, never will be hot. Her being with another chick doesn't make her hot. Salma Hayek and Kate Beckinsale? I'm on board.

Dream Theater released a new 3 CD set along with a couple of DVD's...unbelievable as always.

Okay, it's nighty night time. There is a line behind me of other people waiting to use this computer. Besides, if I am not back in the cell by a certain time, my bunkmate starts trading me for a carton of cigs, and that isn't fun the first 13 times, I doubt it gets more fun from here on out.

Bad Pizza

2008-07-08T12:30:00.000-07:00

Hello. It's time for a sad story. A very sad story. A very, very sad...ok, sorry.

If you also live in the Des Moines area, (judging from the readership on this blog, you live in Cuba, Jordan, Chile, and Spain) you may agree with me that there aren't a lot of good pizza places in this town. Don't get me wrong, there are a couple bright spots, but central Iowa bites in this regard.

I understand that this is completely subjective, and one man's Paradise Cafe is another man's Pizza Hut. It is also important to note that I have not tried every single pizza place in the phone book.

So let's get started...using the CitySearch pages.

Before I get started, there is a restaurant in the Des Moines yellow pages called "A Dong Restaurant". Pardon me while I snicker like an 8th grader. Part of me wants to call them to see what's on the menu. The other part of me doesn't want to know. And neither do you.

1.) Adriatic Pizza. Never even heard of it. Not in the paper or TV. No review available on CitySearch, but the CitySearch pages lists 3.5 stars. Anything below 4 stars is not going to cut it, folks. My crack research team found these reviews. Funny how the first guy said it was "too bad they closed", and the guy who writes a review the next month comes off like someone in dire need of refilling the bong water.

2.) American Pizza Pie Company. It's in Grimes, and I've never been there. Grimes is a decent drive for me...maybe 20 minutes. That's crazy talk. The same site featuring Cheech and Chong reviewing the Adriatic did not have reviews listed for this place.

3.) Angelo's Pizza. Another place that has a couple locations, but I have not heard of it. No reviews I could dig up. CitySearch also gives it 3.5 stars. Of course, there's always a contrarion out there trying to ruin everyone's ratings. :)

4.) Baratta's Trattoria & Pizzarea. 4.5 stars with some reviews! Let's see...

One disgruntled individual writes: "Great service, lousy food. Really very disappointing. Italian specialties were mediocre, bland and poorly prepared, particularly the homemade raviloi that was too large, doughy, and tasteless. We drive thru Des Moines regularly and always stop for dinner; not at Bratta's again, though."

Wow! That's cold! A gruntled man writes "My wife and our families first went to Baratta's for our wedding reception and every year we make it our place to go for our anniversary.Our two young children even love the food there. I've been to every Italian restaurant in town and no one compares to Baratta's.The wait staff are quick,personable and attentive.The chef's cook the best steak DeBurgo in town and I have lots of other favorites there such as their delicious seafood Genovese,calamari linguini, and their succulent pizza.If you're looking for great,normally expensive food for inexpensive price and people who honestly care that their customers are both satisfied and that they'll return then Baratta's is just what you're looking for!"

He said "succulent". Sounds like I will be making a visit.

Update: I did the aforementioned piece about 2 months ago, and got bored with it. I may continue it if I become bed-ridden or unemployed.

Searchin'

2008-03-18T22:08:00.001-07:00

Hey, no really, great to see you.

This evening's blog is going to run through some of the hits this blog gets from people who type in certain phrases or "keywords", as the kids call them, into the preferred search engines. I find it interesting that may people are searching for "Wal-Mart Racism". I also Googled it, and my entry was in the top ten searches that came back!! SCREW YOU WAL-MART! Yeah, I said it.

Personally, I thought the picture sold that blog entry. Speaking of that picture, another hit I get frequently is for "BigRedBoard". Those guys are completely irrelevant, they know it, and so do any of us nerds who hang out at Husker message boards. I said it from the beginning, their desire for conflict is so great, that eventually that board would see people leave in droves and it will turn into a small little club. At least a good board spawned from them.

Not a common hit on the blog, but I recently saw one for "Elizabeth Klinge". She is a news anchor here in Des Moines. She joins Brooke Bouma and the lady from the local FOX affiliate as being quite pleasing to the eye (in a non-stalker, no restraining order needed sort of way).

Let's see, what else do we have here...ah! Lots of hits the last couple of years for various Moto GP bits of information. Also hits from people searching for Flight of the Conchords. IT'S BUSINESS TIME.

Finally, Eminem and Britney Spears get quite a few. Sadly enough.

I should have ended this blog with the link from the FOX chick.

2008 MotoGP! Round One: Qatar

2008-03-09T20:06:00.000-07:00

Casey Stoner is back. After one of the most exciting starts I've seen, Stoner settled in at the top of the heap after the first several laps and remained there the rest of the way. Danny Pedrosa shot up from 8th position to first out of the gate in an unreal start, with Valentino Rossi overtaking him for a short time before Stoner decided it was time to slap everyone around again.

Cool video shot of Qatar. This is only the third night race in GP history...

It's going to be another long season if no one can give Stoner some competition. The Australian is in a league of his own.

Let's get Serious...

2008-03-05T09:19:00.001-08:00

I hate to see this blog move away from its normal hard-hitting social commentary, hilarious anectdotes, MotoGP action, or the blog owner's elevated sense of self-worth, but there's something eating at me today.

Have you ever known a couple (man and woman), and thought "Wow! How did he land her?!" We've all either known, or seen people like that...Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie, Barney and Betty Rubble...the list is virtually endless.

I refer to Kip and Anna. You probably don't know them. I do. Their marriage is in the archives, it's outta there, another statistic, so to speak. Old news. That said, I was speaking with a friend of mine (Hi Buddy), and had been running down a list of people and seeing how life was for them. It's a common tactic used to stimulate discussion, employed primarily by people who use the results of the aforementioned tactic as fodder of some sort.

Where the hell was I...oh yeah. I have gone a couple years operating under the assumption that Anna ditched Kip because it was beyond obvious that she was way out of his league. I knew Anna better than Kip, but it was quite clear that she was smokin' hot, classy, funny, and this guy just seemed like the textbook definition of "D-Bag".

Buddy informed me that, in fact, Kip left her. Kip apparently also had a hard time keeping it in his pants. This is funny to me, because not only could he score Anna, but apparently others, as well. If there is anyone on the planet that needs to have his man-parts sliced off, it's Kip.

To be fair, Kip wore glasses, and perhaps never really saw Anna up close, or in focus.

Moral of the story: don't screw up a good thing.

Anna, sorry the marriage did not work, but feel good knowing that you can pretty much pick anyone you like.

Kip, have fun waking up knowing that you pissed away a class act, so you could knock up random strangers and provide a shining example to your illegitimate children.

Pop Culture Idiot

2008-03-03T14:06:00.000-08:00

My good friend and mentor, Jason, has an excellent blog right here. When I say good friend and mentor, that is to say I read his blog regularly and will sometimes leave a comment.

I know a couple of you here also read his blog, and if you are like me, there is a disturbing trend.

Please click on the graph. This graph indicates Jason's blogging history. How do I know? Well, the handy sidebar tells me. It also tells me that at this rate, he'll be out of the blogging business by spring of 2009.

Jason, this is one man's plea for you to keep hittin' the keyboard. I need something to read when I am bored at work.

Eminem Exclusive

2008-02-21T07:00:00.000-08:00

The "rapper" known as Eminem is coming out with his memoirs this fall, to the delight of angst-filled suburban white kids everywhere. In a recent news article, it says that it will "feature journal notes, hand-drawn art, and lyric sketches as well as a narrative and introduction written by the 'Lose Yourself' hitmaker himself."

Here at SBG, I obtained exclusive excerpts. A photo of a couple drawings (seen above), as well as a lyric sketch. No exclusive is complete, however, without some of the actual writing.

About life in the city:

"'Tis the concrete jungle where I stalketh my prey. Living such as this is folly for many a man, but for this man, I see truth. That truth is divine, and thou shalt honor it, and not engage in dissing. What is the truth, you may asketh yourself. The truth is that it is now that I will tap your mother from the back."

On his strained relationship with his mother:

"Wondrous years past, she and I would walk hand in hand through the park. She would smile down at me, yet I always knew that she was a little distant, perhaps slightly sad. Our situation was difficult to say the least. We were middle class, and it can be very tough being middle class when you live in Missouri as a young boy. Most folks from Missouri are lucky to be bottom-of-the-barrell class, so we were looked at with some disdain by those around us who couldn't buy pop-tarts. That, and my dad left us when I was a baby.

Perhaps that, along with the fact that even as a 6 year old, I felt it was my duty to inform her that she is a dirty, stupid bitch."

On fame:

"I am from the streets, my dear readers, and I will always be from the street. In fact, my mansion is approximately 200 yards from a street. I take the street when my driver has to transport me to the manicure shop. Also, a couple years ago, I threw out some trash onto the street from my Lamborghini. The streets are a dirty place, and I keep it real."

Shown here are lyric sketches that exhibit the true genius that is Eminem.

When these memoirs are released, I suggest you pick them up as soon as humanly possible. The riveting life story of one idiot's path to success has got to be better than some other garbage you've been reading.

Lastly, thanks to Eminem for providing us with someone to thank for their amazing contributions towards profanity and ignorance. And for looking like such a wuss.

Flight of the Conchords

2008-02-18T11:28:00.000-08:00

Pictured to the left (in an image that I blatantly stole from the internet) are Bret and Jemaine, who are a 2 man band out of New Zealand. This show is on HBO, and is getting ready to get a second season out.

BUY SEASON ONE RIGHT NOW. I'll wait.

So, now that you have it, watch all 12 episodes in a row. It's 6 hours total...half hour episodes. I'll be right here...let me know when you are done.

While I am waiting, I cannot stress enough how amazingly hilarious this show is. It's almost hard to describe, and do it justice. The subtle humor, the songs, and the show's two "heroes" are simply top notch. That's why you just have to go out and get it.

My wife and I watched the entire season over the weekend, and these two have apparently been at it for years. No one informed me, which is in itself ludicrous. I should have been informed much sooner.

YouTube has a lot of good clips of these guys, like the one below...enjoy!

LOI Day! And Stuff...

2008-02-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

It's letter of intent day for college football. And when I talk about college football, only one team matters. Nebraska! You can follow along with all the fun here.

I think going overboard with the recruiting hype is a part of the problem, but it is exciting to see what kind of players we will be getting. The only thing that makes me wince is when grown men refer to these athletes coming out of high school as "studs". Let's keep the mancrushes to a minimum.

Bo Pelini and staff look to be headed towards a solid class after a shaky December. In other news, the reserved tickets for the Spring game are already sold out. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!! Looks like it's general admission for me. Regardless, it'll be fun, I'm sure.

The Writer's strike should be over here very soon. Thank God. I cannot tell you how depressing

TV is with it's "reality" programming. I will hand it to American Idol, though. The auditions have been pretty hilarious. Just please bring back Earl, The Office, Heroes, and Chuck.

Giants Win Over the New England Patriots!

2008-02-04T17:37:00.000-08:00

Like 732 million other people, I tuned in to watch the New York Giants win the Super Bowl over the New England Patriots. To be more specific, I tuned in for the last 9 minutes of the 4th quarter. I will say that the most boring form of football ever (NFL) actually got me energized when the Giants came back and scored on the Pats. Congrats to the Giants.

EXCELLENT Brew, Britney Spears' Accent

2008-01-25T21:01:00.000-08:00

Beer is excellent. No, really. I love beer. And short sentences.

First, the disclaimer: I am not a big drinker. A six-pack can last me a month. I do, however, enjoy trying out different beers, and I tried Bass Pale Ale recently and it is phenomenal.

I know, you are probably saying "Hey dipshit, that beer has been around since the Pyramids were built." I know, I know. Cut me some slack, at a six-pack per month, I don't roll through too many brands.

Anyway, my wife and I were at Old Chicago pizza, and I saw it on the menu, along with approximately 941 other beers, and just randomly picked it. Draft. I would most certainly suggest this beer to anyone...the everyday Joe all the way to the lonely, on the brink of suicide alcoholic.

Try it!

What the hell is the deal. I am not talking about the crazed umbrella incident, as that happened a while back. Has anyone seen her lately? She is speaking with a BRITISH ACCENT. I swear some people really need to get back inside the trailer, and not come out until they come to terms with their white-trashness.

Let's see here...

1.) Don't care about kids. Check
2.) Speaking in a fake accent. Check
3.) Completely batshit crazy. Check

I guess Britney Spears has a pretty full life. Good for her! I wonder what kind of beer she drinks?

Dear Coach...

2008-01-24T08:28:00.000-08:00

Hang on a second...I will be right with you...

Ok, sorry about that. Hi! It's really cold here in Iowa lately. It's roughly 300 degrees below zero. I have a friend in the Miami area who I would like to punch squarely in the teeth for rubbing in his 75 degree weather.

Let's talk sunglasses and stocking caps for a minute. Take a look at this...

http://64.131.67.10/vbbs/showthread.php?t=50169

As I ad-lib here on the internet, I have a hard time responding to this at all. If you are a coach, and some rando is e-mailing you wanting you to stay at your job, do you really put any credence to that?

Dear Coach Watson,

Hi there! I am an anonymous message board poster, but don't kid yourself. I know what's best for you and your family. You are needed at Nebraska!! Please oh Holy Lord stay and help us out next year. Pwetty Pwease!?

Love,

Steve

Look, psychos, please stop. Check out this recent article...

http://sports.yahoo.com/ncaaf/news;_ylt=AjygPRH91lKL.UeQbAmjZEHjvbYF?slug=uwire-fansusesocialnetworkingsit&prov=uwire&type=lgns

"I get a lot of messages from fans," NU recruit Will Compton said, "and I just try not to pay attention to them all, because everyone is so biased and just wants me to play for their school. Everyone just tells you what they think you want to hear, but nobody really knows your situation."

About every fourth message on Compton's Facebook wall is from a fan of a school recruiting him, and some of them aren't very nice. One message on Compton's MySpace page showed a doctored picture of him and former NU commitment Blaine Gabbert hanging out at a bar with former NU coach Bill Callahan. Gabbert and Compton are friends in real life.
Beneath the picture was the word "TOOL" in all caps, and the caption underneath read, "When you have no imagination or style, just follow your friends."

Classy! Anyways, Compton's got the right approach. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go start an internet group on "Persuading Internet Idiots To Take Cyanide".

MotoGP in 2008, Continued Blog Neglect

2008-01-21T12:19:00.000-08:00

Well, I've had it. I am crossing the picket lines and am resuming more regular blog updates. I have, and still support the WGA, but I have thousands of readers (thousands meaning approximately 3 or 4) that deserve better.

With that, I'd like to bore everyone to tears.

Indianapolis, here I come!! MotoGP rolls into Indy for the first time this year, and I will be there, beer in hand. Here is the 2008 schedule/rider list.

2/17/2008: Jerez - MotoGP Official Test
3/9/2008: Losail Circuit (Qatar)
3/30/2008: Jerez
4/13/2008: Estoril
5/4/2008: Shanghai Circuit
5/18/2008: Le Mans
6/1/2008: Mugello
6/8/2008: Cicuit de Catalunya
6/22/2008: Donington Park
6/28/2008: Assen
7/13/2008: Sachsenring
7/20/2008: Laguna Seca
8/17/2008: Automotodrom Brno (Czech)
8/31/2008: Misano
9/14/2008: Indianapolis
9/28/2008: Motegi
10/5/2008: Phillip Island
10/19/2008: Sepang Circuit
10/26/2008: Comunitat Valenciana

Casey Stoner - 1 - Australia
Alex De Angelis - 3 - RSM
Andrea Dovizioso - 4 - Italy
Colin Edwards - 5 - USA
Chris Vermeulen - 7 - Australia
Anthony West - 13 - Australia
Randy De Puniet - 14 - France
John Hopkins - 21 - USA
Tony Elias - 24 - Spain
Dani Pedrosa - 26 - Spain
Marco Melandri - 33 - Italy
Valentino Rossi - 46 - Italy
Jorge Lorenzo - 48 - Spain
Sylvain Guintoli - 50 - France
James Toseland - 52 - Great Britain
Shinya Nakano - 56 - Japan
Loris Capirossi - 65 - Italy
Nicky Hayden - 69 - USA

I'm Allergic To November

2007-12-04T10:30:00.000-08:00

Hi Husker fans! What's new?

Bo Pelini is new. Bill Callahan is gone. Tom Osborne is interim Athletic Director. Those prior events aren't listed in order. FYI.

I am bittersweet over the Callahan thing. It was my hope that he could work out. His inability to adapt, be it staff adjustments (defensive) or even in-game adjustments, exposed his shortcomings.

I am pleased as all get out in regards to Tom Osborne being in place. Pederson ended up being a nightmare, and now he is back at Pittsburgh. More power to Pitt, as they will need all the luck they can get their hands on.

Pelini is getting his staff in place, and I think that the Nebraska Cornhuskers are in for some exciting years. Pelini is the kind of guy that inspires players, and aside from glimpses of inspired play the last few years, I hope Pelini can get us there consistently.

Welcome back, Coach.

2007-10-14T18:29:00.000-07:00

R.I.P. To Nebraska

2007-10-13T14:38:00.000-07:00

Happy Saturday! Anything going on today? Not much here. I played some Halo 3. Oh yeah! Nebraska had a severe beating today, courtesy of Oklahoma State.

At home.

Homecoming.

I have been a defender of Callahan since he came on board. What we've seen is the complete destruction of the Cornhusker football program.

What happened? Well, anyone who reads this blog knows the history of how we came to be where we are now. I have no interest in revisiting that crap, because it's a waste of breath. Sure, I am technically typing...but you get the drift.

I am not at practices. I do not have an "inside source". From what I can see, I can tell you that it isn't motivation. The majority of the players are not motivated, and the coaches do not seem motivated. When you get blasted like we have all season long (even against Ball St.), save Nevada, you have got to start looking at all facets of the program.

1.) Coaching. This is the most stubborn staff I have ever seen. If adjustments are made, they are made too late. Football is a game of both proactive and reactive behavior. When our defense, especially, keeps pulling the same crap week after week, reality rears its ugly head. Now that the offense has stalled out for 2 straight weeks, hopefully accountability will follow.
2.) Players. We have a very talented group of individuals. Therein lies the problem. This is a team sport, and these kids made the choice to play for Nebraska. When your defensive captain turns in his Blackshirt to set an example, and no one follows, a coach should be stepping in to show his captain that he has his back. There are lots of unverified rumors about players who are not content with the coaches. If that is the case, and you are playing horribly because you dislike your situation, that's sad.
3.) AD Steve Pederson. After his incredibly horrible "process", in which he admits he wishes he'd done it differently, his job will be on shaky ground if he continues to hide in the bunker and not be a decisive leader. I tried not to giggle when I typed that last sentence.

This will be the longest season I have ever experienced as a life-long fan.

The World Champ is a Stoner, Go Huskers!

2007-10-01T12:26:00.000-07:00

MotoGP

Casey Stoner wraps it up! The young Australian dominated all year, and with just a few races left, he has gained the necessary points to win it. Stoner is a great rider, and the switch this year to Ducati has obviously been a successful venture for both parties. This week the riders hit Motegi, Japan. Kudos to Nicky Hayden for having the fastest lap in practice. The rest of the season here will be a blur, as I am pumped about MotoGP adding another date in the States next year. Indianapolis is now on board, investing millions to the track itsself to bring in the world's premier motorcycle race.

Nebraska Cornhuskers Defensive Woes Continue

Okie dokie, the Huskers are 4-1. Good news, right? We have only lost to USC, and they are number one! If that is the snapshot you prefer to look at, then the news is great. That said, our defense has allowed approximately 86,392 yards so far this season. Ok, that's obviously an exaggeration, but they say "defense wins championships". Our defense had some key plays last week against Iowa State, but still gave up well over 400 yards. AGAINST IOWA STATE.

Hang on a second here...IOWA STATE.

The schedule from here on out isn't exactly a cakewalk. Missouri is on deck next Saturday, and it will not be easy. I think it will be a high scoring affair, and am picking NU over Missouri 42-35 (because God knows you have to make a pick, you aren't a real fan if you don't). Cosgrove can start tightening his crew up now. He is the defensive coach, and the accountability of bad play lies with him.

Husker Defense

2007-09-21T09:17:00.001-07:00

You know, after the Wake game, I was doing a little travelling and just hadn't taken the time to update...so briefly: I watched the game, and thought we could have done a little bit better on both sides of the ball. A win was nice, but I left feeling like "if we play like this against USC, it's going to be a bloodletting."

It was a bloodletting. You can say the team didn't give up toward the end all you want. You can use pathetic excuses like they took away our momentum with fake injuries. You can talk all day about how this is supposed to be the best USC team in the history of the universe. You still, however, will need to be fair and talk about how our defense was manhandled like we were a lower-tier D-2 team. The offense didn't do terribly, but we've got to be able to execute better than that.

The holes were ridiculously huge, and USC took advantage. The Huskers haven't practiced in full pads since Fall Camp. If there isn't a consistent focused placed on the fundamentals, you can lose them. Cosgrove, in my opinion, better start presenting a defense that lays the hurt on people the rest of the season, or I fear it will be his last. His history doesn't lean toward us dominating anything.

We have Ball State this weekend, and if this is a close game, I am liable to go completely bat$#!+.

Have a good weekend!

Nebraska Over Nevada, MotoGP

2007-09-02T17:36:00.000-07:00

MotoGP

Yadda yadda yadda Casey Stoner wins yadda yadda yadda. In all seriousness, I have to wonder what would have happened had there not been a lap one multi-bike wreck that took out Dani Pedrosa, and may as well have taken out reigning world champ Nicky Hayden. Not to mention Rossi having technical problems.

This is, in my opinion, the toughest race in the circuit, with LOTS of turns. Had Hayden, Pedrosa, or Rossi been able to sustain, their abilities could have evened out the speed of Stoner's Ducati. Then again, the fact that Stoner did not have exaggerated straight-aways to blow through proves he is for real. Congrats to Casey Stoner.

Nebraska Cornhuskers Win Big

Let's all take a deep breath and say "It's the first game of the season". Why should we do that? Because some people take a route over Nevada as the key victory Callahan has needed, and USC will be a similar blowout. Please.

And to those who are finding tons of faults with the Husker victory, it is, again, the first game of the season. Let's shake out the cobwebs, and let the new guys get comfortable.

Speaking of new guys: Sam Keller. He had an impressive performance and settled into a rhythm. Is he the second coming of the Lord our Savior? Sorry, no. But is he going to be an excellent QB who does an excellent job at Nebraska? Absolutely. Strap yourselves in and enjoy it. He showed a few times some real nice poise under pressure, and as long as he can keep that same type of poise against real competition, then we will fair well.

The other new guy that stood out to me: Octavien. Technically he is not a new guy, however, I finally believe the hype. Keep this monster healthy, please! Watching him lay a beatdown several times yesterday was a nice stress reliever.

To Marlon Lucky: if this is how you play after a concussion or two, then someone routinely knock this guy out. Awesome performance all around. It was awesome to see this young man run up and down the field at will. There will be much, much better defenses to face, but with this type of opener, it should create a nice confidence level.

Coach Callahan and his new OC did a nice job as well, sticking with what works. Cosgrove also kept things mixed up. To not take this game in context is to look too hard to either have a fanboy orgasm, or complain about something. Nebraska blew out a team in the opener. Big deal, you say? It's important, and here is why: when we struggle with someone like Maine, and then apologist after apologist has to come out with this over-inflated BS about how we faced an incredible Maine squad (that no one really hears from the rest of the season), we can start eliminating excuses.

To others who say we were running up the score: RUN UP THE SCORE. Nebraska is a team that needs to make a statement. You do not make a statement against anyone by keeping it close. You do not make a statement to your tougher competition by showing difficulty against a team the likes of Nevada. Put yourself in a USC players' shoes. If Nebraska scrapes past Nevada, then you would think a team like USC will kill NU.

To the team: destroy Wake by 20-30 points. Keep making statements. Excellent opener.

GO BIG RED!

Michael Vick - The Response

2007-08-29T15:59:00.000-07:00

Hi. Glad you could join us here at Steve's Bar & Grille. In the wake of the Michael Vick dog-fighting scandal, it's time to weigh in on some of the outcry...and support Mr. Vick has received. Vick has entered a plea of guilty, and did a wonderful job listening to his people by apologizing half-heartedly.

With us on the panel is Animal Rights activist Chris Ashton. She heads up the Tough Love for Dog Fighters sub-committee.

On the other side of the aisle is Roberto Guardiola, a proponent of dog fighting, running over penned up chickens, and the active chainsawing of seeing-eye dogs.

Roberto, we'll start with you.

RG: Please, call me Rob.

SBG: Sure. Rob, as a big fan of Michael Vick's "Bad Newz Kennels", how do you justify the slaughtering of not only dogs, but the inclusion of Urban slang used in the title. If "Newz" has a "z" at the end, shouldn't "Kennels"?

RG: Look, if you aren't down with the street now, you never will be. As for the dogs, that's all they are. Dogs. They are plentiful in supply. It's not like they are endangered or anything. Besides, when breeded for killing, what do you want Vick to do, send it to the animal shelter when we are done watching it get mauled half to death?

SBG: Chris, in your experience, can both the humans who find this sort of thing enjoyable and the dogs that participate be rehabilitated?

CA: As a tough love advocate for these criminals, I have yet to find one that can be truly rehabilitated. My experience to this point has been to dish out the tough, because the love has yet to be earned. When this disgusting pig Robert mentions that dogs are plentiful in supply, and they aren't endangered, well so are humans. It's life imprisonment or the death penalty when convicted of murder. The penalty for cruelty to animals should be equal.

RG: What, because you think killing an animal is the same as killing a human? You and your treehugging liberal wackjob friends may feel that way but be real here. When killing a human, it's because they did something to deserve it. When you kill an animal, it's because it's usually funny to hear the sound of them shrieking, and then choking on their own blood.

SBG: Rob, please be serious, you can't honestly mean that. Domesticated animals, whether you are an activist or not, rely on humans for care, and morally should not be subjected to any sort of abuse. Chris, according to reports, Vick and his fellow dog fighters killed a minimum of 8 dogs. Could animals bred to kill be turned back into a household pet?

CA: Absolutely. In fact, I own three pit bulls now who were all once professional dog fighters. You need to provide a loving, caring environment for them to nurture in. These animals were only trained to kill by methods that most certainly do not include love and attention.

SBG: We are almost out of time. Let's move to closing statements. Rob.

RG: Look, the media and the public are really making a big deal over nothing. I don't see anyone protecting mice. You can buy devices to kill them in stores, for crying out loud. I have to endure a waiting period and a background check to get my dog-killing device. Vick should be thanked for providing hours of hilarious entertainment to literally 10's of people.

CA: The longer we allow society to go soft on animal murderers, the harder it will be to regain our souls. People who get enjoyment out of this should endure the same punishment they dish out.

SBG: Chris, Rob, I want to thank you for sharing your views. In the next panel we will discuss the influence Charles Manson had on Michael Vick. Goodnight.

In The News...

2007-08-24T20:09:00.000-07:00

Ugandan government accused of "state homophobia"

NAIROBI (Reuters ) - An international human rights group has accused President Yoweri Museveni's government of promoting "state homophobia" in Uganda and urged the repeal of a colonial-era law against sodomy.

The article failed to mention the name of the human rights group: Gay Men Who Are Really Horny. Come on, Kamala!!!

Vick suspended indefinitely without pay

Vick acknowledged bankrolling gambling on the dogfights, but denied placing bets himself or taking any of the winnings.

You see!? I knew he is still a great guy! That makes it all okay.

He admitted that dogs not worthy of the pit were killed "as a result of the collective efforts" of himself and two co-defendants.

Oh. Nevermind.

Thieves hit Kirsten Dunst's NYC suite

Thieves slipped into the actress' rooms at the SoHo Grand Hotel on Aug. 9, court records show. Dunst, who was in town to shoot scenes for a forthcoming film called "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People," had left early that morning, according to the records.

Darting into the suite through an open door, the thieves grabbed designer bags, $2,500 in cash, credit and ID cards, two digital cameras, a cell phone and an iPod music player, court records show. A surveillance camera captured the burglars leaving the hotel with the items.

I wonder if they also nabbed her book on how to tilt your head irritatingly 42,648 times per movie.

In World News...

Well lookee there! I am telling you, when I want my feel-good stories, I will continue to click on the "World" tab on the Yahoo front page. If the world has 6 billion people, we are down 33. I wish the American press would run two stats for us on a daily basis...the death toll in Iraq, and the death toll in America every day. Have a nice weekend!

Almost Football Time!

2007-08-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

Sam Keller has been named QB for the Nebraska Cornhuskers. Does this shock anyone? He has one year, and I think he will show off his talent quite well. We have a more than able backup in Joe Ganz, so this season is looking good from a QB perspective. I'm a little concerned about the blackshirts...GO DEFENSE!

Onto other exciting news...Michael Vick. I say we lock this guy up for a maximum sentence, and let his fellow inmates find interesting uses for mop/broom handles. I saw some jackhole being interviewed on TV this morning, stating how the public is fed up with celebrities who think they can get away with anything. This is something that will continue to happen as long as people who are screwed up in the head receive large sums of money. People tend to believe their own hype, and we get to watch them kill dogs, snort coke, and ram their SUV's into whatever is in their way. The problem is with the legal system that treats them special. Let 'em fry!

It's Casey Stoner's World, We Just Live In It

2007-08-19T20:29:00.000-07:00

Well, Australian MotoGP rider Casey Stoner takes his 7th win this season at the Czech Grand Prix today. I think his Ducati has jet fuel or something. The guy is simply dominating the field this year. He is sitting at 246 points over Valentino Rossi's 186. With 6 races left, there is still an opportunity for Rossi to come through, but if the first 12 races are any indication, this is the year of the Stoner. Heh...I slay me.

In second place was John Hopkins. This was his highest finish in the MotoGP ranks, and he ran an excellent race. Rounding out the podium was reigning World Champ Nicky Hayden, who has made 3 podium appearances in his last 4 races. Hayden started off a tad rough after being in the second position. Hayden's teammate Dani Pedrosa finished fourth, with Chris Vermeulen rounding out the top 5.

Let's not kid ourselves, Stoner won it big...7+ seconds between he and Hopkins.

Next up is San Marino. Go Nicky Hayden!!

RIP Mike Wieringo

2007-08-13T18:31:00.000-07:00

Death came to an excellent artist, I am sad to say. Mike was 44.

OUCH!

2007-08-12T08:06:00.001-07:00

Congrats, Barry!

2007-08-09T11:00:00.001-07:00

Well, the record is broken. Barry's rookie card is a nice piece of history, also...

Congrats to Barry Bonds

2007-08-04T21:21:00.000-07:00

I get a lump in my throat every time a 'roid user does something amazing in sports. I mean, the hard work going into putting illegal performance enhancing drugs into one's system should at least net you some accolades.

Barry Bonds is, as of this writing/typing, tied with non-steroid freak Hank Aaron. Way to go, Barry! I, and countless others, look up to your amazing dedication, and marvel at your metamorphisis...

When children all across the land look to ways to succeed in athletics, they will be able to follow your shining example of how to be a steroid junkie, and shatter records that mere mortals once labored intensively at creating.

I love sports today, with its thug culture and ability to make one realize that their own lives aren't as bad as athletes who have to wake up every morning and realize they cheated their way to greatness.

The fun!

Barry Bonds is going to fight another steroid user...the purse is...

August Update

2007-08-01T19:49:00.000-07:00

Heh. Glad to see you crawled over. I promise I will try and update more for the 1.7 people who are still left reading this.

Moto GP

Casey Stoner takes Laguna. I feel badly for Nicky Hayden, reigning world champ, who is 9th in the point standings. It's been a tough year. They get a break until mid-August.

Nebraska Cornhuskers

Blah blah blah fans hate each other...off-season crap couldn't be more of a sleeper...blah blah blah. I am looking forward to watching Sam Kellar. I hope he is as tough as Zac Taylor.

Other Crap

The Bourne Ultimatum is out this weekend. These movies are excellent, without question (you hear me Buddy Cole). Sorry Buddy, my blatant attempt to challenge you was a little transparent.

I am happy to say that I have no travel plans until September (Vegas, baby)!! I was recently in Colorado, and northern Michigan. The latter was vacation, and Lake Michigan was real nice, and that part of the country is gorgeous.

Maybe I will type more in September! :)

Somebody Wake Up This Blog!

2007-07-03T19:42:00.000-07:00

Holy crow! It seems as if I have been gone for a long time. To the 7.4 readers out there, my apologies. There is MUCH to cover, so let's get with it.

Moto GP

Well the season has been fun, but it's being dominated by the 21 year-old Australian, Casey Stoner. Since switching over to Ducati, he's been hard to catch. He also is just plain good on the bike. Last year apparently wasn't indicative of his talents. I never would have predicted Stoner would be where he is today. Stoner is not without competition, because on his tail is the Italian phenom, Valentino Rossi. Here are the standings...

Casey Stoner 185 points
Valentino Rossi 164
Dani Pedrosa 119
John Hopkins 94
Chris Vermeulen 88
Marco Melandri 87
Colin Edwards 75
Alex Barros 69
Nicky Hayden 57
Loris Capirossi 57

Reigning world champ, Nicky Hayden is having a rough year. I really thought he'd pull off a trip to the podium last week before crashing out. France and England were the wettest tracks I've seen.

Huskers

It's the most boring off-season ever. Some good recruits coming in...typical of the staff. Let's hope we can retain some and have them make a difference on the field. Maurice Purify's DUI is the only real off-season story people are giving attention to, right or wrong. So he ties Solich with numbers of DUI's, right?

Work

BUSY. Step off. I hate airports.

Movies

Two. Live Free or Die Hard and the new Fantastic Four movie.

The Fantastic Four: LOTS of fun. Much better than the first one, and I liked the first one (sorry Buddy). So the Silver Surfer...excellent CGI here, and it was voiced by none other than Morpheus. I kept waiting to hear him offer the Human Torch a red pill or a blue pill, and then ask him retarded questions like: "What IS reality?"

Anyway, this movie was more of what the first one should have been, good old-fashioned FF fun. Great interplay between the cast, and Johnny Storm was hilarious. I give this 4 out of 5, through my kaleidoscope of movie critiques. (Damn you, Buddy Cole!!) Once Buddy sees it, I would like to revisit this topic...

Live Free or Die Hard: I saw it last night, and was VERY happily surprised. After the third one, I wasn't expecting much, and thought it might be too "smarmy" for me. But for the first time in a long time, I saw an action movie with that big 80's feel, and still had a good story. Some things are just not plausible at all, but I didn't go expecting the freakin' Godfather. I wanted to see Bruce Willis ice some dudes.

More to come, my schedule is lighter.

Husker Track, Football

2007-05-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

Congrats to Scott Wims for running a 21.07 200, a regional-qualifying performance. The guy is a freshman! Some good speed!

In my previous blog, my feelings are summed up quite nicely about the NFL draft. That said, best of luck to the Huskers selected. As a college fan only, the NFL is pretty meaningless to me, but the college players who want to elevate themselves need to perform, hence making the college game more fun to watch. So again, well done to the Huskers moving up to the big leagues!

I can't wait for the season to start. I grow weary of reading message boards that complain about every tiny nuance of the game. In fact, I am convinced that unless you are anything but a blind loyalist, reading the drivel on boards will drive you insane. Take the Quadtards, for example, on Huskerpedia: HuskerNCorpus, unmartin, Root4NU, and kdog. Or replace them with a lot of other fans 18-27. Age isn't the problem as much as it is the "know-it-all" mentality. Every board has that. When you come across as a pompous, arrogant prick, normal people that aren't eager to give you a reach-around aren't going to take anything you say seriously.

Personally, I like being a pompous, arrogant prick who is at least honest about the program, good and bad. You can't be neutral on a Husker message board, it seems. If you are, you are assigned a side anyway. So goes the message board world. Lots of great info to share, that quickly deteriorates into garbage.

How about the schedule next year? Let's predict now while there is nothing else to do!

09/01 Nevada: Win. Come on. Nevada?
09/08 @ Wake Forest: Could be a good early season game, but Huskers take it.
09/15 Southern Cal: Loss. Sorry, I love the Huskers, but beating USC ain't in the cards.
09/22 Ball State: Ha! Ball State will be slapped. Hard.
09/29 Iowa State: Closer than the kool-aid crowd would have you believe, but the disarray with the Cyclones will lead to another Husker win.
10/06 @ Missouri: Great game, Huskers by a TD.
10/13 Oklahoma State: Huskers.
10/20 Texas A&M: Close game here, but it's at home, and the Huskers will take it.
10/27 @ Texas: Texas wins.
11/03 @ Kansas: Huskers come into Kansas a little pissed and slap them around.
11/10 Kansas State: Oh the irony if we lose this one at home. We won't.
11/23 @ Colorado: Huskers, and I will go on record and predict a minimum of 45 pieces of debris hitting the field.
12/01 Big 12 Champ: We lose to Texas.
X / X Bowl game: who knows.

3 losses, and I'm not picking the bowl. I can certainly live with that.

Others are talking about this being the "do or die" year for Callahan. I don't think so. Bill Callahan is a much smarter man than his boss, and his improvement both with himself and with the team are easy to see.

I do like the schedule in coming years. Hopefully we can get Need A Pen Community College on there, too.

NFL Draft!!!

2007-04-30T13:10:00.000-07:00

Uh Huh

2007-04-25T13:35:00.000-07:00

http://www.kcci.com/news/12744140/detail.html

From the article...

A Bentonville, Ark., man is seeking $20,000 from the city after his two teenage sons found a book on lesbian sex on a public library bookshelf.
He also wants the library director fired.

Earl Adams said his 14- and 16-year-old sons were "greatly disturbed" after finding the book, titled "The Whole Lesbian Sex Book." Adams said the book caused "many sleepless nights in our house."

Riiiight.

Coincidentally, an overnight session with Bentonville's hottest 2-girl escorts costs...$20,000!

Have fun, dad!

MotoGP Round Three: Istanbul

2007-04-24T09:17:00.000-07:00

The young man from Australia does it again. Casey Stoner takes Turkey, after a wild day. In his second win in this class (and winner of two out of three races this year), he is looking much more polished than he did last season. He ran another, almost flawless, race. Congrats to Stoner. Stoner took first after Rossi went wide and actually ran into the grass, and led the way from that point forward. When do you see Rossi make mistakes like that?

Toni Elias caused some small controversy on his way to second place on the podium, while Loris Capirossi finished third.

The day was not without some bumps and bruises. Frenchman Olivier Jacque inadvertantly created a pile up that took out contenders Dani Pedrosda and Colin Edwards. Chris Vermeulen was also in that crash, but was able to get back up and at least finish. Considering he was too far behind to win, he did ride a fantastic race thereafter when you look at his times.

Rossi, after running off the track, looked as if he was on his way back to another podium finish, but tire problems forced him down to, get this, 10th place. As I mentioned earlier, Elias caused a bit of controversy in the race, passing Rossi rather aggressively.

"I am angry with Elias because I think he was quite dangerous because he changed his line while passing and I nearly crashed," Rossi said. "I had high expectations for this race however my rear tire had some internal problem, between the casing and the tread and I had to slow down. It was scary."

Elias added "this is racing" and that "it was very close and Valentino’s bike made a strange move as I passed him."

World champ Nicky Hayden finished 7th.

Point standings after three:

Casey Stoner 61
Valentino Rossi 51
Dani Pedrosa 36
Toni Elias 35
Marco Melandri 30
Colin Edwards 26
Alex Barros 25
John Hopkins 23
Chris Vermeulin 21
Loris Capirossi 20
Shinya Nakano 15
Carlos Checa 14
Alex Hoffman 12
Randy De Puniet 11
Olivier Jacque 4
Makoto Tamada 4
Kenny Roberts Jr. 3
Sylvain Guintoli 3

Race highlights below, check out the 4 bike wreck around 26 seconds into the clip.

Shanghai is next May 6th!!

All Idiots, All The Time

2007-04-10T10:58:00.000-07:00

Greetings. To the left is a snapshot of Don Imus/The Cryptkeeper.

Question number one: where are his shoulders? Were those stolen?

Anyways, apparently Mr. Keeper is in trouble, as anyone who has turned on a TV in the last week knows. What is a riot to me is that he is being held accountable by Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. That's like Bill Clinton teaching Ethics, or George Bush teaching...anything.

I also love the whole apology process we've seen when celebs freak out/do something stupid. Mel Gibson, Kramer, Imus...I'm sure I am missing someone. I think that if someone ever says to me "In order for the healing to begin..." I will punch them in the teeth.

Don't even get me started on the media. Talk about orgasms.

Guys like Jackson and Sharpton, in my opinion, are afraid of racial equality more than anyone because then their soapbox is gone. My version of hell is being stuck with Imus, Sharpton, Jackson, and Katie Couric in a room.

MotoGP Round Two: Jerez

2007-03-27T10:22:00.000-07:00

WOW!

A record qualifying session led up to a good race on Sunday. The top 10 qualifiers were all within four TENTHS of a second of each other. The race was a different story.

Valentino Rossi takes the race along with the lead in the championship standings. World champ Nicky Hayden had a good start, but finished 7th. It's way too early to count out the current world champ, but his team mate, Dani Pedrosa, had the pole position in Sunday's race, and is looking very strong this year.

John Hopkins was riding with a broken bone in his right hand, and after an incredible comeback, he crashed out of 4th place on lap 17 after passing Hayden. Bummer for Hopkins, who was really coming on strong, but apparently pushed it just a tad hard.

Hopkins goes from Spain to surgery on his hand. Best wishes to him.

Congrats to Rossi for his impressive showing in Spain in front of 140,000 people. Up next is Turkey! This track is tricky, and should make for an interesting race.

Wal-Mart: Racism?

2007-03-15T12:53:00.000-07:00

In the fall of 1973, my good friend Buddy Cole sent me this link...

Wal-Mart PR Blunders

In a nutshell, here it is...it's short...

"Bringing the ever-friendly spirit of its in-store greeters online, Walmart.com offers DVD shoppers helpful recommendations for films they might be interested in purchasing.

Customers looking at the Web site's product pages for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Planet of the Apes, for instance, are steered toward "similar items" such as Martin Luther King: I Have a Dream/Assassination of MLK and Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson. Wal-Mart spokeswoman Mona Williams says the company is "heartsick" over the incident but has "absolutely no evidence" that the connections were made intentionally."

Wow. No evidence that it was unintentional? Next thing you know, their new line of Klan outfits will be about individualism, and not a symbol of hate.

For a huge corporation, how hard is it really to drill down and find out who actually made this blunder? Are they so top-heavy in their marketing department that teams of marketing specialists, project managers, and implementation people that they could not actually find out who did it? If they could spend the same amount of human capital on PR as they do on overall douche-baggery, I'd shop there.

MotoGP Round One: Qatar

2007-03-11T19:36:00.000-07:00

FINALLY. The off-season actually went pretty fast. I'm glad to say that the wait is over, and worth it.

Some changes in the off-season took place. The bikes are now down to 800 cc's. Seven time World Champ Valentino Rossi is still on the Yamaha, with different sponsors/bike color, and 21 year old Australian Casey Stoner is on a new bike this year: the Ducati.

Watching the race, it was Stoner in first, with Rossi fighting right behind him the whole way. A brief lead change late in the race could not stop the powerful Ducati in the straights, and Stoner took his first ever MotoGP 1st place finish, followed by Rossi, and Dani Pedrosa.

Reigning World Champ Nicky Hayden finishes 8th.

March 24th takes the racers to Spain, and Hayden is going to be looking for a stronger finish if he wants to be able to contend again this year. It's very difficult to catch up if you get down too far with these riders. MotoGP is the Formula One of Motorcycle racing, and there is no room for error.

Ducati is off to a great start in Stoner. Of course, with the power of the bike, along with the fact that the main straight in Qatar is over a kilometer in length, the Yamaha was just outmatched.

Hats off to Stoner for an impressive win.

Steve Pederson Learning From The Past?

2007-03-05T11:38:00.000-08:00

In the winter edition of JNews (College of Journalism and Mass Communications) Alumni magazine, there is a Q & A with NU Athletic Director Steve Pederson.

Overall an interesting piece. One area stuck out...

When asked about the handling of Frank Solich's termination, Pederson says the following:

I think first of all, my parents said you have (to) do what you believe is the right thing. Not everybody is always going to agree with that, and what we chose to do was not to respond to every rumor, innuendo or suggestion.

I believe the truth is a powerful thing, and over the course of time the truth eventually comes out. Now during that time you might get beat up for a while, but we tried not to justify too many decisions or too many things because sometimes it's not in everybody's best interest to know everything. People kept saying, "You need to tell us more," and I said, "I can't tell you more. It is what it is, and we're going to keep moving forward."

I wish in retrospect that, in the process of making a coaching change, we would've spelled out more clearly what the process was going to be. I think we did that in basketball (in 2006), and it seemed to be much more effective. I know they reported that I talked for 25 minutes when we announced that we were looking for a new basketball coach, but I spelled out in detail how we were going to go about it, and I wish that we'd done that in football.

Very interesting. My only question now is for those that have defended the process since the change took place: do you know also wish it could have been handled better? Or do you still stand firm in the opinion that it was handled like it should have been?

In Your Face, Buddy Cole!!

2007-01-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

The title of this blog is fairly erroneous and primarily for shock value. Like headlines from the Associated Press.

Anyway...I was recently conversing with my good pal Buddy Cole over the telephone. The conversation seemed to be going well. Even if he did completely rip apart Bronco's. home of the best freakin' food on the planet. Okay, he didn't really rip on them. In fact he wasn't even really negative about them. I'm finding it really hard to rag on Buddy.

So we were talking movies, as we often do, and The Fantastic Four came up.

It was more than apparent Buddy wasn't impressed with the film. I told him it was a good "popcorn flick". You know, the kind of movie you see once, it ain't bad, but it certainly isn't as good as, say, Super Troopers. Buddy's reply was pretty funny, actually…"It had better be some good popcorn."

Well it WAS good popcorn. They use real butter at the Jordan Creek theaters. They also serve ice cream, pizza, and a wide variety of food. Oh yeah, they also serve Nathan's hot dogs. Yum. So IN Y OUR FACE, Buddy Cole!! Ok, I know that was weak…

What the hell am I typing about? Oh yeah! Jessica Alba in spandex! Mr. Cole, I don't care how good your popcorn is, that's worth the price of admission (matinee pricing).

When this movie came out, my good friend Ryan (of point/counterpoint fame, as well as an upcoming project to be announced in the next few days), his lovely wife Christa, and I all went to see this movie when it came out. My wife and daughter were out of town visiting relatives, so I was free to be a third wheel.

We hit the mall, and grabbed some food court grub. I could go on and on about this mall staple, but that's the stuff of another blog. As we were eating, we saw some guy we used to work with…CLEANING TABLES. He apparently suffered a bout of class consciousness and proceeded to tell Ryan and I how he was in charge of the whole operation. Yet he was CLEANING TABLES. I won't throw out names, but Chuck, come on. Have some dignity and act like you don't recognize us.

I'm having focus problems today. The movie. The Fantastic Four movie is based off of a Marvel Comics team of the same name. There's Reed Richards, or Mr. Fantastic. He can stretch. This was a pretty creepy effect, really, and makes you wonder what all he can stretch. He's the brains of the outfit, and is kind of a dork. Not much of a sense of humor, fairly dry and has the propensity to ramble using long words. He's the leader of the group.

Next up is Jessica Alba in spandex. She plays Sue Storm, the Invisible Woman. She is spunky, assertive, yet soft and loving at the same time (puke). She and Reed "had a thing". She is the brother to Johnny Storm, the Human Torch. Now when I was a kid, I read comics, and the Human Torch was one of my favorite characters. He was hip, funny, and always got the hoes.

Lastly, there is the ever lovin' Thing. Ben Grimm is a big giant guy like the Hulk, but made of rock. He doesn't like it, see. People think he looks like a monster, and it makes him sad. He and Johnny Storm get on each other's nerves and hijinks ensue. Ben and Reed were best pals. I'm not sure why, considering Reed's intellect and Ben's dimwitted approach to pretty much everything. Perhaps Reed isn't so smart after all, and feels the need to surround himself with embiciles to keep his self-esteem afloat. I do that.

So they all are on a space mission sponsored by the film's bad guy, Victor Von Doom (Dr. Doom). He also goes along. Whilst in space, they are all infected by cosmic radiation that gives them their powers/disfigurations. Long story short, Doom goes nuts, is bad, Reed, Sue, Johnny, and Ben realize they need to be a team to take him down, and take him down they do.

This was not cinematic history in the making. It was like watching the breezy fun of a mid-season replacement sit-com.

So why was it good? It was good because, while it attempted a little too much to be funny, it stuck fairly close to what I remember the comic book to be like. In the comic Reed was a nerd, but you liked him anyway. Check. Ben Grimm was cool and didn't take crap from anyone. Check. Johnny Storm was awesome, cool powers, and always irritating authority figures, and Sue was just kind of there. The movie had these things.

When you go to a comic movie, the bar should not be Batman Begins or Superman 2. The bar needs to be George Clooney's Batman. Why? Because EVERYTHING is better. I strongly believe that a comic book movie made about Iron Man trying to get out of his armor to go to the bathroom, but there are a problem with the servos, and he tries for 90 minutes to get out of the darn suit would be better than watching George Clooney in Batman.

The Fantastic Four had great special effects, and the scene at the bridge in the beginning was pretty awesome. Doom was a reject, but it wasn't the governor of California playing Mr. Freeze. Johnny Storm genuinely made me laugh.

Buddy Cole, do not relegate yourself to "movie snob". Do, however, go to apple.com and watch the trailer to the next Fantastic Four movie. That trailer was better than the entire first movie.

Cotton Bowl

2006-12-27T19:25:00.000-08:00

It's Nebraska versus Auburn! To most people in the United States, it's a "Who Gives A Shit" bowl game. To fans of the two programs, and several intermittent casual observers, this could shape up to be a good game.

Just to fans? Are there no ramifications, win or lose?

Good question, Ron. There are no championship ramifications. There are, however ramifications of perception.

If you were to read Huskerpedia, and saw this thread that I have linked right here in this oddly-colored text, you would see a thread that is a debate on whether "must win" games actually even exist. The apologists are out in full force with sarcasm. For example, the blithering idiot, HuskerNCorpus, says "Looking at the 2007 schedule, I think it's clear we have 14 must-win games (including the Big12 CG and the bowl game). If we lose one of those "must-win" games, something seriously catastrophic will happen to the program. 2008...I haven't seen the entire schedule, but you can bet on NU having at least 13 must-win games."

HnC, stop baiting people and open your eyes. On various boards, you see, prior to each game, excuses being formed before the first snap. Then when it is noticed, the irritating game of semantics begins. Here is the bottom line. Every game needs to be looked at as a "must win" game. We are the Cornhuskers, for crying out loud, not Iowa State, Kansas, or Colorado. Parity is a bullshit excuse, as well. It is irrelevant when it comes to our expectations. When we start talking about acceptable losses, losing becomes acceptable. Every time the World's Most Ignorant Man, Jim Rose, talks about what awesome losses we have, he needs his teeth kicked in.

This is not to say that their is to be rioting, raping, and pillaging after a loss. Far from it. We need to learn from it, and move on. Losing is not an option. Will it happen? Yes. But the philosophy of winning has apparently become dumbed down by the same people who wanted Solich burnt alive, while his family was executed.

Solich had to go, so we could continue/rebuild to dominance. There is no such thing as "restoring the order" when you start talking about which losses are ok, and which losses aren't. I call that continuing the Solich order.

In the Cotton Bowl, fans are apparently showing their distaste for losing. $10 a ticket. Are you kidding me? They'll be giving them away at Jack in the Box pretty soon to every third customer.

Stop with the stupid excuses, realize that we demand a winning program, and watch the program deliver that. When your expectations are set high, great programs deliver high results. When your expectations revolve around excuses, apologists, and overall douche-baggery, then you get failure.

GO BIG RED!

Rocky Balboa

2006-12-27T11:13:00.000-08:00

30 years later, Sylvester Stallone is releasing a Rocky movie. I was a little apprehensive at first, considering what happened in the 5th installment. However, that was a long time ago, and I was willing to wipe the slate clean. After all, the Rocky movies before this were like a dentist survey.

I saw a trailer for it quite some time ago, and it actually looked pretty good! I was excited for a Rocky movie!

About a week before the release, I started seeing some reviews for the film. Mostly positive!? Now I was really jazzed. Could this be the movie that wraps up the story with some dignity?

I resisted the urge to have a Rocky marathon before heading to the theater. I only own 1 through 4. In the world I live in, Stallone was kidnapped by North Korea and forced to make Rocky 5. I did, however, watch The Office. Completely unrelated, sure, but the Christmas episode was a riot.

My duaghter and I headed out to the movie for the biggest dice-roll movie I have gone to in a long time. I generally have a gut feeling on whether or not a movie will suck completely, or be great, or just plain good. I had no real feel for this one. My daughter was very excited. She is a big Rocky fan.

The theater was pretty packed, considering it shows 793 different movies. We got a large popcorn with butter, a bottle of water for her, and a large Mr. Pibb for me. I smuggled in some plain M & M's, which is the usual M.O. I can't have popcorn without chocolate. It's really the only personality quirk I have, besides schizophrenia. And a third arm growing out of the middle of my back...don't get me started.

SPOILER ALERT! Do not read further if you do not want to hear about Rocky Balboa, the movie.

I am not going to do a scene by scene breakdown, but I will say that Stallone pulled it off in a big way. For someone who physically was not in the movie, Adrian was a huge part of the movie. She dies of cancer, and Rocky is left in Philly running an Italian joint called Adrian's. I like that it wasn't some big chain-like place, but a quaint little joint where you can get your arteries clogged with some good food.

Rocky's son works in the corporate world, and is trying to get out of his dad's shadow. Their relationship isn't strained really, but Rocky Jr. is sure making it that way.

Long story short, ESPN does a computer simulation that pits current champ Mason Dixon, believably played by Antonio Tarver (he probably didn't have to research the role much), against Rocky. Rocky wins by knockout. Dixon is seen as a guy who is the champ of crap, really, as the heavyweight division is a joke, and he is the champ of a joke division, with no real competition.

Rocky catches wind and decides he wants to fight again...nothing bug, just some small club fights. Dixon's camp hears Rocky was granted a lisence to fight, and go after Rocky in an effort to provide the champ with some validity. Rocky accepts. Rocky fights Dixon. I won't spoil the ending of the fight in case you have not seen it.

The champ and Rocky come out looking great, and Rocky quenches his thirst for fighting again. Next stop: Rambo.

That's just a high-level overview of the movie. The movie's character interaction was so much better than I anticipated. I've seen some critics slam Stallone for being self-indulgent here, or having Rocky's life mirror his own. So what? Rocky wanted another chance to comeback, and so does Stallone. The ones who think he should remain in the video rental bargain bin are the ones who are maybe a bit more self-obsessed here.

There are some other people who were slamming the use of previous footage in the form of flashbacks. After such a long time between movies, it may not hurt to use those to clue people in. I saw nothing wrong with it or thought it was overdone.

Rocky's relationship with his son and Marie, the young girl from the first movie, was all good stuff. In fact, it was, to me, the best part of the movie. Unless you are a heartless jerk, you can't help but root for Rocky again. I saw it twice.

Odd Ramblings

2006-12-13T08:59:00.000-08:00

I have Not finished reading this book yet, but about half-way through, I can say it is an excellent read. I read 90 pages in one sitting. Form me to keep my attention that long is unheard of.

Gaiman mixes creepy and humor better than anyone I've read, with compelling characters and hilarious dialogue. Pick up this book! I also suggest Neverwhere and American Gods by the same author. Very good books.

Nebraska faces Auburn in the Cotton Bowl. I look forward to this game. Auburn has a good program, and their name doesn't start with "Notre" and end with "Dame". I had a 6 or 7 page dissertation of the Big 12 championship game ready to go, and I apparently closed the window on accident and didn't save any work. That was a fun, profanity-laden moment. In a nutshell, I was disappointed in the outcome, and am hoping the time off will be useful for the team. Everyone and their mom seems to be picking Auburn, with a few exceptions. I haven't watched Auburn play, so I reserve any predictions for those who think they are experts.

Travelling for the holidays? Me, too. Hope everyone enjoys their holiday season!

Old News is Good News

2006-12-01T08:21:00.000-08:00

Zac Taylor receives quite the honor in the Big 12 Offensive Player of the Year. The guy is totally awesome, and if he pursues the NFL, I will be rooting for whatever team he ends up with. Zac is the quintessential leader, and he's tough as nails.

I am excited to see what Callahan has in mind for the QB spot next year. Zac has obviously been critical to the success of the team, and I hope a guy like Ganz or Keller can step in with a smooth transition.

Oklahoma is on the horizon, and it seems like NU, according to the media, is quite the underdog. I think we can pull this one off. Coach Callahan and the team are having a great season, and I hope Zac's last two games are W's.

Larry King Style Ramblings

2006-11-23T20:33:00.000-08:00

I love this holiday. Eating your ass off is an expectation. I'm comfortable with that.
The Huskers get to spank the crap out of the Colorado Buffaloes tomorrow. Huskers by a minimum of 2 TD's.
Borat. I saw it and enjoyed it very much. I didn't laugh at some of the spots that some people seemed to be urinating in their chairs over, but the movie was seriously freakin' funny.
It's 10:36 as I type this and just remembered I have to take out the garbage. Duh.
Former Russian spy gets poisoned!! Zzzzz.
I heard the new Bond flick was very awesome. I plan on checking that out this weekend.
My iPod is finally full. OF SHIT. I keep maybe the same 200 songs on it, and am constantly changing the rest. Since my wife got her own, I was able to remove the chick music, though. That's a plus.
MotoGP never sleeps! Next season sees the 800cc bikes take the stage, and the tests seem to be going well, with some times surpassing the old bikes! I hate waiting.
At the beginning of the season, I said the Huskers would lose 3 games. STAY ON IT, fellas.
I saw the new Fergie video today. :::cue Cineporn music here:::
Bush pardoned two turkeys! No, not Cheney and Rumsfeld.
Gears of War for the xbox 360 rules all that there is to rule.
I'm out, this garbage thing is makin' my eye twitch.

Sports Predictions

2006-11-10T08:24:00.000-08:00

You know, I think I am the only person on the planet who thinks that making sports predictions is a waste of time.

"But it's fun, dillrod!" you might say. To that I can agree to an extent. It can be fun when done with the right spirit intended. What cracks me up is the "ridicule factor".

For example, Nebraska plays Texas A & M this weekend IN Texas. My brother predicts A & M to roll over the Huskers. Others predict a Husker blowout. Many are predicting a close game.

Back to the ridicule factor. Unless you have been 100% correct in every prediction you've ever made, let's give the hypocrisy a break. Who really thought Rutgers would have the success they are seeing this season?

Sports should be about fun, entertainment, and *gasp* sportsmanship. When people take it so seriously that it negatively impacts others within their sphere of influence, then it speaks volume about that individual. Look at the recent Ohio State video of fans acting like idiots. Look at the Michigan fans throwing crap onto the field, hitting prospective recruits.

We've all done it at some point, and a lot of us look at our actions after the fact and realize that maybe we acted like an ass. I've done it and admit it. But when you see a video, like the one linked above, that should really make any overzealous fan stop and think for a second.

Have a safe weekend, and GO HUSKERS!

Buddy Cole: Patriot

2006-11-09T06:48:00.000-08:00

Thanks for stopping by, let me finish up over here.

Ok, I'm all done. So Buddy Cole responded to my disgust-filled diatribe about the elections. The response had some very interesting points, so let's engage in a little call and response. Buddy's comments are in bold.

I agree with you on the negative ads. They are almost as annoying as fundraising time on NPR.

Or worse, the whispering they do on NPR. Can you imagine how lame a company party is at the studios there. "All Things Considered" my a$$.

I think a Democratic congress is a very good thing for us right now. This is an embattled president with six years of no oversight and it is time for some accountability.

Agreed about the accountability. However, a Congress led by either party will still engage in partisan politics.

I also believe that you have to take a little closer look at many of the democratic winners. The vast majority of change is coming from a conservative democratic base closer to the middle showing that perhaps we are not as divided as many in the media and the extremists would have us believe. I think the base of both parties wants a more central approach to governing while being allowed to differ on key ideals.

What the base of both parties want, and what the senior leadership in Washington deliver are two different things. You get career whack-jobs like Ted Kennedy, Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry, and Howard "The Scream" Dean forcing their influence on the more moderate elected Reps/Senators, it won't take long for a few things to happen:

1.) The newly elected Democrats will fall in line with the old guard of insane partisan hacks.
2.) They will be one-term and out, because of their frustration in not being able to exact any real change.
3.) We will be able to thaw out Walt Disney!

I personally hope for number 3.

But I must say that on the whole we are not a divided nation. You can't take one part of our dynamic, such as politics, and come to the overwhelming all encompassing conclusion that this represents the true essence of America. State hundreds of conflicts within this country and without fail you will see at the core of every fight is our right to free speech. Show me division and I will show you the foundation of freedom upon which division proudly stands.

I agree with you. Allow me to clarify my stance: our politicians are most certainly divided, our press is certainly divided, and the biggest problem that presents is the influence it has on the people who are easily swayed. Politicians and "journalists" both are so far entrenched in their own agenda to realize that the division you speak of actually has hurt our country, and opens us up as a laughing stock to the international community.

So don't be disheartened because we are fighting. Rather, be emboldened that we care enough to fight because when we fight we so often get it right.

Is this a Springsteen lyric or something? Bonus points for using the word "emboldened". I feel like I need to donate money to a cause now. :)

Don't be distracted by the small minded extremists who prostitute their rights as a means of self promotion. Rather, look to the higher calling that speaks to the balanced soul.

This is more like a Neil Young lyric.

Don't be convinced by the talking heads on your television. Rather, be inspired by the daily affirmations we witness in the hearts of our family, our friends, and our neighbors.

Cheeseball as it sounds, I love the last sentence there. The only problem with that, is most people do not do this, they are too busy buying into the division our politicians and media create.

America is not found in the headlines. America is found in the faces of the people and those people live and love and fight and win and lose together.

God Bless America.

Buddy Cole for President!!

The Democrats Win!!

2006-11-08T13:21:00.000-08:00

WHOO HOO!!!

Who gives a rip. I mean, really. Between the democommies and the republican'ts, this country has such extreme levels of corruption, that it makes Antarctica look enticing.

The victory comes as no surprise, with the recent scandals, Iraq, and the fact that the Republican-led Congress has been the most do-nothing Congress in ages. The Republicans had zero chance in this election, and I think that is pretty evident to anyone who even watched the news once a month for the past two years.

Speaking of the news, it is more than sickening to watch Katie Couric get her chair all wet last night with the results coming in. I really felt like some soft saxophone/Cinemax After Dark type music would come on and Katie would start pleasuring herself. Can our news people at least PRETEND to be impartial?

Stuff that makes our country look stupid (believe me, this isn't even close to an all-inclusive list)...

1.) Negative campaign advertisements. Who should buy into these ads? Family, friends, or staff of the candidate, otherwise these ads are nothing but crap. I do not care about what the other candidate has done, or will/will not do, I want to know about what YOU will do.
2.) Vague plans. "I have a plan". I heard that exact sentence there, and that's where the commercial stopped on one person campaigning for some random meaningless seat. What is the plan? Guess what, I also have a plan. My plan is to note vote for you.
3.) Spin. Spin never ends in politics. Today, you had Democratic leaders promising a bipartisan approach to government. HUH? I'd rather not even hear that promise, and would rather just see it. At this point, when any politician says anything, it's a safe bet that what you are hearing is spin/damage control.
4.) Meet the Press. Will Russert please grow a pair? Everytime the guy asks a pointed question, he never gets a direct answer. EVER.

Tim Russert: Thanks for joining us, Congressman Rando. How are you doing?

Congressman Rando: Tim, there's more to this than people realize, when we take a look at the :::insert party name here::: policy, we are going to find that the :::insert other party name here::: are way behind the curve on this issue, and are trying to scare voters.

So what will it take to bring this divided nation back together? First of all, it'll never stay "together". Ever since our nation was founded, politics have been an ugly affair. But 9/11 brought about a couple days worth of unity. The only other thing that could bring about a more lasting positive relationship will be a huge disaster on our shores. No one wants a disaster, so here we sit in the playground of fools. The "beauty" of it? We keep electing them.

Husker Fans On The Internet

2006-11-06T09:04:00.000-08:00

Greetings lurkers!

You know, it's no secret for regular readers that I've used some of this space to take many easy pot-shots at a select group of individuals. These pot-shots were more than easy, considering the audience. Lately, however, when I read some of the crap on various Husker boards, it is just plain disheartening.

Let's break it down...

1.) Fans who constantly criticize caoches.
2.) Fans who constantly criticize players.
3.) Fans who constantly, and quite blindly, defend coaches.
4.) Fans who constantly, and quite blindly, defend players.

That is an extremely broad-brush generalization. Some people criticize in a fair manner, others do not. Some people defend in a fair manner, while others don't. If you have spent any time at bighuskerfan.com or bigredboard.com, you'll see the constant barrage of actual hate. You can read it in the comments of this very blog with guys like Husker1911 wishing death upon my wife and daughter, or him stalking the admin of bighuskerfan, as well as anyone else who doesn't agree with his stance. There are numerous others who do the exact same thing.

At first, it was highly entertaining to watch these guys get riled up, because it is so easy to do. Nothing is more predictable than their reactions week to week regardless of a Husker victory or loss.

Victory = WE'RE BACK! ORDER RESTORED!
Loss = That win wasn't necessary/our players suck and our coaching schemes were superb.

It's as if they are on a constant lobbying effort for free tickets or jobs at the University.

Anyways, it's just getting old. The whole thing loses its steam when I get continued threats. What spurred this is a recent comment I did not publish that mentioned my home address, and my wife's workplace.

So enjoy your hate-filled diatribes, your internet stalking, and your superiority complexes. It's crossed a line into actual threats. Forget just the personal information, that part is not a big deal in and of itself, we've gone into territory that is ridiculous.

This blog will continue on, and I will have future point/counter-points, Husker thoughts, MotoGP, and other random crap. I'm just tired of dealing with guys like Husker1911, who would love to see my wife and daughter dead.

Hayden Takes Crown, Huskers Go Down

2006-11-01T16:47:00.000-08:00

WOW. That sums up the 2006 MotoGP season for me.

Two weeks ago, Dani Pedrosa slid into his Repsol Honda teammate Nicky Hayden, taking them both out of that race, and taking Hayden out of the lead in the championship point standing. This all but paved the way for Valentino Rossi to win his 832nd championship in a row. Rossi is arguably the best rider in the world. Dani Pedrosa had a tall order ahead of him. Early in the race, Pedrosa was one place ahead of Hayden, went wide on a turn, and signaled Nicky ahead of him. Pedrosa then kept the competition away from Hayden the rest of the race. Hayden places 3^rd, giving him enough points to regain the points needed to win the 2006 World Championship.

What about Rossi? He had the pole position. Good question. Rossi wiped out early, but sprung up, took the bike back on the track, and FINISHED THE RACE. Noble effort by Rossi.

This was an exciting season, to be sure, and my first season following this sport. I eagerly await March, when the 2007 season rolls out in Qatar.

This pic says it all…Rossi congratulating Hayden after the race.

The Huskers. Where to begin? Well, after the choke job to Oklahoma State, Missouri is up next. All I can really say is that 4 full quarters of ball need to be played, and we can’t play with complacency. The only hilarity is watching the Nazi board blow up at each other. “Don’t get cute with me.”

Huskers, MotoGP

2006-10-23T08:51:00.000-07:00

The Huskers lose a heartbreaker in Lincoln to the 5th ranked Texas Longhorns. I really thought this game was in the bag until the Nunn turnover. I can't blame Nunn at all. It was a solid hit, and it changed the football game. It happens, and I think that the players and coaches have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It was a great effort against a great team, and hopefully we will get a rematch in the conference championship.

Nicky Hayden and Dani Pedrosa have a tall order ahead of them in this weekend's final race in Valencia. Being teammates for Respol Honda, they encountered quite a bit of controversy when Pedrosa slid into Hayden on lap 5 in Portugal last week. That wreck took both out of the race, and sent Valentino Rossi ahead of Hayden in the points standing for this year's championship. The stars need to align for Nicky to take his first championship. The sad thing: it's the last race of the year.

Network TV Sucks

2006-10-10T12:53:00.000-07:00

I'm taking time out of my schedule today to discuss network TV with you. Feel lucky, my friends, as I was very busy planning to launch a nuke of my own.

IN THE TOILET.

Har.

Whatever. Anyways, why does network TV suck so bad? Cable, as a whole, has been able to carve out a niche for itself in lots of different ways. What has network TV carved?

1.) CSI series representing the 328 most populous cities in America. CSI: Flint is particularly gritty, but come on people.
2.) Outdated network news format. Katie Couric, yay! Really, who cares? I can get news at any moment off of CNN or Foxnews and get a healthy dose of biased news from both sides of the aisle.
3.) Reality shows. I've travelled down this road before. They aren't "real", and they are an absolute abomination. Survivor? It has to resort to racism for ratings. Big Brother? The chick factor is the only redeeming factor. The Amazing Race...is it still on? If I want reality television, I will turn it off and stare at it.
4.) Medical dramas. House? "Hi, I yell at patients violently, and am an emotional loose cannon". I know I like all my medical professionals to be teetering on the verge of wiping out an entire shopping mall with a chain gun. ER? John Stamos. Really?
5.) Jay Leno. "Nuff said.

What IS good about network TV?

1.) Heroes. An original drama, with a non-cheesy take on people with "powers". Like a great (cable) show, Battlestar Galactica, Heroes is in a genre that is historically dorky, and making it extremely watchable to fans of said genre, as well as the mainstream. Nicely done. I wonder how long it takes for some network suit to come in and push ideas that his 15 year old LSD-induced son brings to him.
2.) The Office. I know, there's a BBC version. I've never seen it, and will not judge it until I have. I have, however, seen every episode of the American version on NBC. It's easily the funniest show on right now. It's laugh out loud funny, and that is rare when you can't turn the channel without catching CSI: Modesto. The casting is perfect, and I am hoping it stays on TV for years to come.
3.) Lost. I've never seen it. I defer to my friends and wife on this one. We own season one and my friend Ryan owns season two, so I may need to catch up.
4.) Letterman and Conan. Again, 'nuff said.

What is "okay" but could be better?

Sports coverage. It is shoddy, at best, and with commercial breaks every 18 seconds, it really makes me love my DVR. Next blog: why cable is better! Be on the lookout for this in the next 10-12 weeks.

Point/Counterpoint

2006-10-05T16:09:00.000-07:00

College Football Replay Official vs. a Tivo

Ryan: There’s nothing quite like the thrill of having about 20 seconds to decide if some muscle-bound behemoth’s knee touched the ground before the ball crossed the line when they are traveling at the speed of light. Top that off with about 75,000 fans who will want to rape your wife and kill your first-born child if you get it wrong. My favorite part is that I don’t even get the feed that you people at home get…no, I get the feed off a jury-rigged Beta-max VCR that’s still-frame setting is so jumpy the players on the screen get a workout every time I hit pause. Every time I see some jackass talking about how great his DVR or Tivo is when watching football highlights I just want to shake him violently. Yeah…nothing like having to spend every waking moment worried that some crazed Oklahoma fan will jump out from around the corner and decapitate me to the tune of “Boomer Sooner”. But hey, the important thing is that I get the call right. Now excuse me while talk to my personal security chief…my daughter is having a birthday party and we have to install the metal detectors.

Steve (Tivo): With Tivo, at least this puts us, the fans, in a position to note how completely inept the officials really are. How bad do you have to be at your job if you can’t notice whether or not some muscle-bound behemoth’s knee touched the ground before the ball crossed the line when they are traveling at the speed of light? If I got paid to be an official, I’d have my Bluetooth on the whole time and have someone with Tivo on the line the whole time. The last thing I want is to have my wife raped and a dead kid on my hands. Not to mention the fact that it’s not 1973 anymore, how hard can it be to get that down to the field? When Brent Musberger can tell if a play was called incorrectly, how drunk are the officials? Brent can’t call a game without a bottle of Jack at his side. Jesus.

Lindsay Lohan vs. A quiet night at home

Ryan: Hey, Lindsay. This is your couch speaking. I know it’s been awhile since you’ve been here without some naked star-struck male model snorting a line of coke off your ass, but I feel the need to ask…when are you going to come home and spend a quiet night at home watching network TV and eating ice cream? God knows, your body needs some saturated fat to get you back to your “Mean Girls” public image peak. How many nights are you going to leave your 5,000 square foot home empty so you can bar-hop Hollywood’s finest clubs and sample the finest designer drugs while drinking yourself silly? I mean, if you aren’t careful, you are going to end up like Meg Ryan. So please, come home, put on some sweat pants, grab some chips and ice cream, and curl up on the couch. No booze, no drugs, and no men. And let’s try something new…let’s try setting your alarm clock, getting a good night’s sleep, and try to be on time for work tomorrow, or at least showing up for a few minutes. I’ll make an appointment with the butler to arrange to have your alarm clock set and your sheets turned back. I know it’s been awhile since you slept at home, so we’ll leave some post-it notes with arrows so you can follow them back to your room in case you forgot where it is.

Steve (Lindsay): I just got off the phone with Lindsay and will represent her, as she is quite busy right now prepping for a bukkake. I’m not sure Lindsay’s couch wants Lindsay to be sitting on it. I mean, take it from 9,385 customers. Also, take it from her Gynecologist. I hear she and Paris Hilton see the same one. Anyway, the appeal of sitting at home versus puking up Jello shots all night, well, you’ve gotta live, man. I mean, thin is in. You can’t remain nearly skeletal while you sit on your ass all night watching reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond.

Lindsay is young, there will plenty of time to sit on the couch after multiple suicide attempts, sex tape scandals, and the AIDS. To quote Lindsay: “I was..but umm…hee hee, umm, I think…that guy is hot, wonder if he’s got any blow.”

Paris Hilton vs. A Gynecologist

Ryan: My god…what have you done to this poor thing? The damage…the carnage…the complete disregard for hygiene…you’d think this was used for a mosh pit at a Metallica concert or something. Don’t you have any respect for your body, or at the very least, respect for the elasticity of your vagina? I mean, it’s flexible, but you can’t just cram an object of any diameter in there…sorry, big word. Diameter…um, you can’t just cram every black guy you see in there. You need to work in some small ones too. But, preferably, you’d rest it for 12-24 hours between poundings.

Also, condoms can prevent STD’s…not just pregnancy. I don’t know if there’s any hope here, but I’ll do my best. Ok, now let me just get my safety cable, headlamp, and rappelling equipment and I’ll be ready to get started.

Steve (Paris): Hi. I’m Paris Hilton’s vagina. Allow me to step in here. Mr. Gyno-man, you may be concerned, but this is not your average axe-wound. I am a super-twat. Much like a boxer, I am used to taking a beating and coming back for more. You can’t be famous like me without working your way to the top. After a recent quadruple fisting, I was starting to think “is this all life has to offer?” After some reflection, I knew there was more to life. Ten, maybe twelve fists, for example. There are new heights to be reached, and my goals are lofty. Besides, you aren’t the first person to break out the safety cable. There are entire rescue teams down here looking for some homeless people. If you find a 1967 Mercury Cougar in here, let me know, please.

George Clooney for President vs. Oprah Winfrey for President

Ryan: First off, we have something for all you registered voters that came out today…that’s right!! Everyone in the audience who registers as a Democrat is going to get a GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL!! Yaayyyyy!!! Up next, we will be going to voters’ homes and surprising them with a camera and a bunch of bribes to up my public image!! Yaaaayyyyyyy!!! Also, did you notice that I am a black woman? Take that Condolezza Rice…you are the most powerful female political force on Earth, and I still have more power in my pudgy little digit than you do in your whole body. When is the last time you had a ravenous crowd clamoring for your choice of Book of the Month, or Recipe of the Month, or just to get a $4 toaster. In fact, I want Bush!! Bring him in here right now, and we’ll see if he can survive one hour of my show. It’s Oprah Time!!!

Steve (Clooney): I’ll be speaking for George, as he had some bukkake to go to…

George Clooney would win this in a landslide. Is it because he is smarter than Oprah? No. But every straight woman in America needs to ask themselves, “Who do you want to look at for the next 4-8 years?” Let’s see we’ve got two choices.

1.) George Clooney

2.) An ever-ballooning Oprah surrounded by Secret Service and various other handlers

I think the choice is clear. Clooney gets the desperate straight female vote, and the straight male vote as well. No straight man watches Oprah. If they do, they were forced to do so, or they are entrenched in the closet. Clooney is cool. He dates hot actresses, and always gets the girl. This election comes down to straight people versus gay people. This is not to bash homosexuals at all, it’s just that there are much better gay candidates out there…you have Ellen, Andy Dick, Hillary Clinton, and Howard Dean.

Mel Gibson is an anti-semite vs. Mel Gibson is a post-apocalyptic warrior, a Scottish revolutionary, and a Colonel in the American Revolutionary Army.

Ryan: Hi there. Mel Gibson here. Did you know that the website that this appears on is controlled by Jews? Seriously. This “Steve” guy? Big Jew. He’s the reason why the Huskers lose any game as near as I can tell. Typical Jew. I have been in many movies that you know and love, and you know what? Not one of them written or directed by a Jew. Not one. Nope…no Spielberg movies in my future. I know, I’m taking some bad press for hating Jews. So, as a change of pace, I think I’m going to hype my new movie “Apocalypto” by attacking the US Government…yeah, a little different I know as the Anti-Semitic theme for “The Passion of the Christ” was huge for it’s success, but I feel it’s time to broaden my horizons so this movie will focus on how the Jews killed the Native Americans instead of just how they killed our Lord and Savior. It doesn’t have much to do with the US Government, but I am attacking them since they the whole establishment is run by Jews. You didn’t know that? To raise awareness, I am releasing new versions of my best movies...in Mad Max I am fighting for my life in a post-apocalyptic nightmare world…run by Jews. In Braveheart, William Wallace is fighting for the independence of Scotland from their Jew oppressors, and in the “Patriot” I now kill those dirty Red Jew-Coats and stack them ten-high in an 8 hour marathon “director’s cut”. Did I mention I am batshit insane?

Steve (other Mel): I have a dog that I share cans of dog food with. I wear a kilt, and am a patriotic Australian playing an American Colonel. What’s not to love here? It’s evident that I am not a J…um, that I am an accomplished actor and good person, unlike the freakin’ J….the freakin’ j-j-JELLO eaters. Ah screw it, where’s Murtaugh?

Pope vs. Muslims

Steve (Pope): After having lunch with the Pope yesterday, it was amusing to see how this guy’s mind works. He knew just by mentioning Mohammed, that he was going to expose the “religion of peace”. Let’s see, Islamic faith has a history of violence, yet when that fact is mentioned people get all offended, shoot a nun in the back and set fire to churches. Yep! You showed us!! How dare the Pope say, oh, I don’t know, THE TRUTH. Look at another famous Muhammed. That’s right, I’m talkin’ Ali. He settled things violently as well and now look at him. He’s a glorified tree.

Ryan (Muslims): What? You, and agent of the Zionist West, dare call us violent? That nun we shot deserved to burn in the fires of hell for turning her life over to your so-called “god”. Allah is the one true God!! The Pope is nothing more than an American agent who is being controlled the Great Satan!! All Muslims understand that Allah is Peace, and that as soon as we suicide-bomb everyone into believing that, we can decapitate all the remaining non-believers and settle into our crowd of 72 virgins that we get for martyring ourselves in the name of love and killing your so-called “innocents”. The Pope is illiterate!! We are the truly educated ones!! Now, can you please send up some economic aid so we can steal it from our people?

George Bush vs. A Bush

Steve (George): G.W. here. Lookie there, I’m bein’ compared to a bush. I don’t get it, is that funny? I am a Bush. George dubya Bush. Leader of the free peoples of the republic of the empire of the states. You know. America. 9/11. Never forget what the Bush haters did to this country on that fatefulness-tic day. I protected America. A Bush, that’s right. Not a Clinton, or a Hitler, or Magic Johnson, but me, Georgie. I took the ball, and bounced passed it over to Congress, and we got ourselves a war going, we took a shot to the hoop and scored us a touchdown named Saddam. That’s a three-pointer, folks. I still don’t get it…I am a Bush. My daddy was a Bush and so was my grandfather. Ya ever eat at McDonald’s? I love those fries. Those fries are here because I protected you all from the Gee-hadists. You know, those crazy foreign-type guys over there. Not one McDonald’s was lost during my watch. You can print that. I’m a Bush.

Ryan (a Bush): Hi there. I am a bush…you know a shrub. I contribute greatly to the great circle of life on Earth. For example, I am being planted in Baghdad to distract people from the constant sound of gunfire and explosions, and to help pull attention away from the eyesores of bomb craters and severed limbs. In Afghanistan, I am being planted to help disguise the Opium plants from being discovered by overhead recon flights. In fact, I have even just been shipped to Lebanon so that Hezbollah can use my decorative fronds to camouflage their RPG rocket tubes while setting up the attack angles necessary to lob the rocket pod into a civilian apartment building. See what power a Bush can have on the human spirit?

More Crud...

2006-10-02T13:36:00.000-07:00

I love taking Internet breaks. They are great for clarity, as well as to have a lot of hate mail waiting for you. In this case, a lot equals 7. It's all primarily like the blog I dedicated to other hate mail two posts ago. Now it's boring, and unoriginal. If anything original comes out of the mail, I'll post it and address it in a future blog.

NEBRASKA DOMINATES KU!!!

Ok, we all know better than that. Now, I agree with the backpedal brigade, KU is better than people give/gave them credit for. That being said, they are not a national powerhouse at all. So what does that mean? Personally, I think NU underestimated them. I also think we have some glaring problems defensively.

The same people who predicted an absolute blowout against KU are now predicting a huge blowout against ISU. What have the Huskers proven?

1.) We can knock shitty teams around like red-headed step kids.
2.) We are not winning against quality opponents, and are barely winning against a Kansas team that is unranked in the the AP or Coaches polls.

A win is a win, right? I know, unless Frank Solich is the coach, then winning ugly is a big deal. Again, Solich deserved the axe, and got it a year too late, but to the ITG's...where is the consistency? It's ok for Callahan to win ugly? Exposed.

I think that Callahan is on the right track, and so are the players. Having a tight game like this might slap some reality into them, meaning that we don't underestimate any opponents. ISU is one of the most inconsistent teams out there, and they tend to be fired up when playing two teams: Iowa and Nebraska. They have a couple receivers that are pretty good, and our secondary will not get the job done if we aren't applying pressure to the QB early and often.

Beyond that is Mizzou and Texas. This season entered Chapter 2 last weekend, and it continues from here on out. Nebraska has the tools, and need to be allowed to use them.

My girlfriend, Hardcharger, was talking out of his @$$ again...

"Herian's blocking has been quite poor."

Hahahahehhehahahehehshshahahaha. Oh...sorry. Well, Hard, what does Coach Callahan think?

Three games into his comeback season, senior tight end Matt Herian has impressed Callahan the most with his blocking ability, the coach said. “He’s blocking more physical and more tenacious now than what he did a couple of years ago,” Callahan said.

http://journalstar.com/articles/2006/09/20/huskerextra/doc4510ce2985aa4287154685.txt

Next. (Thanks to you know who for pointing that out).

I saw an awesome movie last night...The Score with Robert DeNiro, Edward Norton, and Marlon Brando. Buy it, rent it, I don't care, just watch it.

The Office is starting off just as good this year as it was last year.

Capirossi Wins In Japan, Rossi Second

2006-09-25T21:11:00.000-07:00

Loris Capirossi and his Ducati takes Japan again in what was an excellent race. Capirossi had the pole position, and was never out of first place. The battle beyond that was very interesting.

Nicky Hayden had another bad start, and the leader in points for the World Championship had his second week in a row trying desperately to place as high as possible.

He was battling for 5th place, and on the last lap, Nakano crashes, giving Hayden the 5th spot.

Pretty bad luck for Nakano, the hometown hero.

Valentino Rossi and Marco Melandri had a great battle for 2nd. Melandri was in 2nd for the majority of the race, went wide on a corner, and that allowed Rossi the room he needed to pass him a short time later.

Rossi, pictured right, is probably the most fun to watch, and bears a creepy resemblance to Mango from Saturday Night Live.

Two more races left this season.

Love Letters

2006-09-22T18:54:00.000-07:00

Well, I've sat on some comments recently, and because I sat on them too long, I figured they'd be stale in their original locations. So let's address them. I miss Husker1911 threatening my wife and daughter, though. He must be too busy bird watching.

Here we go!

SteveIsAbitch writes:

You are an arrogant prick. Go find another team to root for.

Dear SteveIsAbitch,

Thanks for the heartfelt comments. It's responses like this that only serve to encourage me. But you already know that. I know it tears you up that I'm not a "Solichista", and that I am a Callahan/Pederson fan. You'll learn to adapt after you're done spanking it in your parents' basement.

anonymous writes:

What would happen if you got hit head on in traffic? Personally we'd all be better off.

Dear anonymous,

That's an excellent question! How fast am I going, as well as the oncoming traffic? Am I wearing a seat belt? Does either of the cars have armor plating? If so, which ones? I'd love to run this scenario further with you. E-mail me at steve@huskers.com so we can chat about it further.

Another anonymous wrote:

Die, stupid fucker.

Dear anonymous,

You are a wordsmith. Happy holidays!

anonymous writes (everyone else posted anonymously, for the record):

Do you use your blog to compensate for a small peter?

Dear anonymous,

Really? I mean, that's it? First of all, who uses "peter"? Secondly, when you have to resort to small wang jokes, it's time to either take a break from the internet, or hit google for some better insults. I expect better next time. Step it up.

anonymous #3874 writes:

Try not to get your ass beat when you least expect it.

Dear anonymous,

Did you know your IP matches our "Die, stupid fucker" friend?

Anyway, I will certainly try not to. I know that you are an ITG (Internet Tough Guy), and you have an image to maintain, so I will help...

Oh please don't beat me up you sackless nutguzzler!! (I'm not above sophomoric profanity, FYI).

...was that better?

anonymous writes:

Stick to motorcycle racing, it's clear you hate the Huskers.

Dear anonymous,

Okay. Seriously. Point to any single post on here, or anywhere, that shows I "hate the Huskers". Let me know when you find some links. You need to remember, you are not a Husker. Neither are the rest of the malcontents that post on my blog. You're gutless bitches who are clueless as to what being a Husker fan is all about. You're either mid-90's bandwagoners, or old creepy bird-watching freaks who are trying to find friends on the internet because in real life you're a social retard.

Yet another anonymous writes:

At least on BRB (Steve note: that's bigredboard) we don't trash the Huskers, ever. Can you say the same about you and your brother?

Dear anonymous,

First off, unless it's Bo Ruud, right? Anyway, I once again challenge you to point out where I personally have trashed the Huskers. I don't speak for my brother, as he can speak for himself.

I look forward to more whiny anonymous threats, etc.

Implosions, Melandri Wins

2006-09-18T07:02:00.000-07:00

First off, congrats to USC for their victory against Nebraska Saturday. They are an excellent team, and the better team won, without question.

Secondly, visit almost any Husker message board to watch some of the most hilarious infighting on the planet. You have the crowd who is questioning the playcalling. There is also the normal bunch who goes batsh!t at ANY type of criticism. The funniest part is that even objective criticism makes one a "Husker hater". I love that the Knights of Husker Nation are so righteously defending the honor of the program that they continue to use their Nazi-like tactics on people with any different opinion. Be glad bigredboard doesn't own a gas chamber. If they did, you know Adolph Train Wreck and Osama bin Hardcharger would be using it.

I wanted Nebraska to win as much as the next guy, they didn't, and the world did not end. They will beat Troy next week, and receive their next biggest challenge this season against the Longhorns. They could lose that game, too. And to that I say B.F.D.

I want one thing to come from this loss: learning from it. Is it a huge surprise USC won? Hell no it isn't. Nebraska came out there, followed the gameplan set before them, and it didn't work. It didn't work because *GASP* USC is a much better football team. We adjust the gameplan(s) going forward and focus now on Troy.

I'd say "calm down" to Husker fans, but then I would lose the entertainment value of reading the hilarity on all the message boards.

Melandri Takes Australia

Marco Melandri looked awesome in the rain, taking first in the Australian Grand Prix. Valentino Rossi placed third. He was running in 4th place until the final turn. Nicky Hayden had the pole position, but moved back to 16th after a bad start. He finished 5th, and still is leading in points for the world championship.

This was a crazy race, and the rain was coming down pretty good until the last few laps.

Moto GP cameramen suck, that much is certain. Japan is next!

Welcome!

2006-09-15T17:45:00.000-07:00

I'd like to welcome the ladies visiting the blog from...

http://bbs.bigredboard.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=19818

Don't bother clicking it. It goes to a hidden forum that is not publicly viewable.

Apparently the Count/Pointercount from November is popular. I'm sitting on a couple interesting comments left lastnight. I'm debating on whether I publish them or not. Seriously, the whole threat of physical violence by BRB members is...

A.) Overdone.
B.) Bogus and empty, since none of them have the balls to do jack besides jack each other over the net.

Enjoy the weekend, and GO BIG RED! I say we beat USC in a squeaker.

Plug-o-rama, Misc. Crap

2006-09-13T07:57:00.000-07:00

There is a new Husker board out there. This one is created by my brother.

"But Steve, don't you have your own message board?"

Good question, and thanks for asking. I do have my own board. It is, however, a private board with absolutely no new members considered. The objective for his new Husker board is explained in the link. Let the pot stirring commence!

NU vs. USC

Nebraska plays USC this weekend, and, IMO, that's when the season starts. After playing a couple middle schools, we get the first challenge of the season. NU has all the tools needed to win this game. It IS funny to see other people on message boards guaranteeing a victory for the Huskers on Saturday. Sorry, but this one is too close for me to start proclaiming victory. Can we win? Yes. Will we? I have no idea. It was a tad easier predicting insanely huge blowout victories the last two weeks, but the Huskers haven't been challenged.

While I have no idea, I'm picking the Huskers to win anyway, because I can, minus the cocky arrogance that others exhibit.

ROSSI OVER CAPIROSSI

In Moto GP news, Italy's Valentino Rossi takes Malaysia in an awesome race. It came down to the last lap, with Rossi taking the lead and the win. Nicky Hayden of the U.S. is still out in front in the standings, but at this point, it's all up for grabs. Moto GP racing is a lot of fun to watch, and the races do not last for 827 hours. They go 21 laps, and on bikes that are pushing 180-200 MPH, it doesn't take long.

NUTJOBS

I am enjoying the tone of the comments on the blog, as of late. Laced with insults and threats of violence, it's turning into a real love-fest! Speaking of which, BRB psychopath, husker98765, seems to have a real passion for role-playing games...check out some of those awesome items! LOL! The irony couldn't be more delicious.

Regardless, I anxiously await more insults.

Ah, the F.U.N.

2006-09-09T15:47:00.000-07:00

Some excellent quotes today.

"Robbie" over at bighuskerfan writes the following drivel...

I've never wanted the Huskers to lose. Your implication that I did is insulting, but understandable considering the source. You're the one rewriting history. I'm the one that lived it.

He's having some internet HHF (huffy hair-flip) with some rando on that board.

The best part of his quote is what his wife said a few years back...

"Yes, we are now 8-2. Call me a Frank Basher but quite frankly, I would rather lose out if it means that NU will get a new HC. My nightmare is that the season will end and Frank will keep his job. Forever more we will be subjected to Frank/Barney ball.” Guenther

Guenther/Virginia is Robbie's wife. Must have been hard in their household with his wife harboring such insulting thoughts. Hope he didn't beat her.

Robbie/Bob/RTB/oldsoldier gets 5 out of 5 cans of Slim Fast for being such a fuckwit.

Harrison Beck

2006-08-07T09:15:00.001-07:00

Harrison Beck is apparently having some issues that could impact his future as a Husker.

Article here...

He is back home in Florida, and the team is practicing without him. Beck is done, IMO, and will not be returning.

1.) Coach Callahan should not let him back.
2.) Harrison's mom, who is making comments left and right, needs to be aware of how shooting your mouth off can inhibit his son's career.

The next time he sets foot into a locker room, how many "mom" jokes do you think he will encounter? Hopefully about a million. The kid, whom many message board nerds had virtual orgasms over, is getting a lot of grief from the same orgasm-having nerds.

This is why people shouldn't get all fired up about athletes until they prove themselves. Especially 18 year-olds with high Rivals rankings. :::yawn::: Some kids do not have the maturity level to handle the life decisions they are making without adverse reaction. Beck's reaction to not being the starter is absolutely immature, and all his mother is doing is amplifying feelings she is getting from her son. People slamming his mom also need to slam Beck himself. She isn't picking her comments out of the air, and then he is mysteriously disappearing from practices.

A recent thread about Beck on a message board was an absolute laugh riot...

On July 26th, columbushusker writes "i say he will be 3rd string. i just have a feeling that he is a washout and will never be anything. i dunno just something about him makes me think he will not play this year."

Well, we can't have statements like that!!! Just ask these guys...

Huskerbo: I don't understand why a fan would "get a feeling" that one of their players would be a washout and then proceed to tell everybody that. I don't think I have ever seen a player dumped on so quickly and deemed a failure with so little evidence-and many of these comments come from supposed fans of his team. The attitude some people are taking towards him I find rather disgusting and is NOT how fans should act.

It is disgusting. It's almost as disgusting as not allowing someone to have an opposing viewpoint. Not quite, mind you, but close.

SCVHusker: Ok, I have you marked down as one who will NOT join the bandwagon when he becomes a leader of this team.

So is columbushusker taken off that list yet? SCV, let me know when Beck leads this team. I will mark you down as one who has no idea what the hell he is talking about.

Ankeny Husker Freak: Because the negativity has got to stop. Why some of you have this anomisty towards Bill Callahan, his staff, and players is beyond me. Those who constant question Coach Callahan, his staff, and players on every little thing, come across to me as being "you'll never accept what Coach Callahan and his staff accomplishes because it's not done the "Nebraska way", whatever that is and you, Columbus and others feel like you can get away with it because you conclude your asinane & negative comments with "I hope i'm wrong". Well guess what, you shouldn't get away with and like I said before, huge kudos to those who've called Columbus out on his stupid & negative comments.

Yeah, columbus!! You shouldn't get away with it!! Maybe you should have the shit knocked out of you! How about chopping off your pinky finger!!!! No wait, maybe you should be forced to wear a dress in public!! No, no!! Wait!! You should douse yourself with gasoline in the middle of a crowded shopping mall!! Better yet, maybe you and YOUR mom should be the ones to die a painful death. That's more like it, and it would then be consistent.

Optimism is the same thing as hypocrisy to the BRB types. Only THEIR optimism is allowed, and as opposed to trying to sway someone's opinion through optimism and logic, they do it in attack format. Yeah, that's something to be proud of. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, they are the same guys who had their asses handed to them in every aspect of their lives, and are simply taking it out on people anonymously. So columbus and others, remember that when they are baiting you, they would never in a zillion years have the nads to do it to your face, it's why they are "Internet Tough Guys". It's like having a 2 month old crack baby yelling at you. It can't help itsself.

The angst of Husker fans on the internet is like going to a Nine Inch Nails concert.

Let this be a lesson, folks: you can't ever have any opinion different from those who are wiping off their monitors due to excess protein discharge whilst slappin' it to Nebraska's Athletic Director. If you do, they will show you optimism through force. You know, like a concentration camp.

Miami Vice

2006-08-01T08:50:00.000-07:00

When I heard that they were making this movie, I cringed. Look at Starsky & Hutch, Dukes of Hazzard, and so on.

Say what you want about the fashion-sense of the 80's, the original Vice had stories that were dark, intense, and rarely had any cheesy happy endings.

When I saw the casting for this movie, that was a start. It's not like they cast Adam Sandler as Crockett and (insert Wayans brother here) as Tubbs. That would have thrown the movie on the list of "never see" for me. When I heard that Michael Mann was in charge, I started feeling even better about it. Mann, if you'll recall, was also in charge of the TV show.

I hit the theater a little early for the 10:20 showing. As I am watching people file out of the theater, the mood seemed fine. No gut-busting laughter, etc.

In a nutshell, this movies was excellent. Dark and intense from the beginning until the end. Colin Farrell had a brief bout with another accent early in the film, but was very solid in the movie. Jamie Fox was also awesome in his performance. That, and there were no pastels, or sock-less loafers. I am not sure what kind of Ferrari was used, but it looked like the F430. I suppose I could do some research on it, but that would require some effort.

This was not a campy spin-off of a TV show that makes you wonder why Hollywood is not the victim of relentless air-bombing. This was a well thought out story that paid homage to a series that was ground breaking in its serious tone/approach to counter the typical buddy cop crap that still persists in movies today.

See it.

Point/Counter-Point

2006-07-28T12:47:00.000-07:00

Bush vs. Stem-Cell Research

Steve: Stem-cell research? P'shaw. Bush has every right to throw that idea down the tubes. Look, if it isn't oil, a baseball team, or cocaine, our President can't possibly establish a frame of reference. Besides, the next thing you know, they'll be using those stem-cell thingies to have people growing baby arms out of the smalls of their backs. That just ain't natural. How can those stem-cells help people when they are on their sprawling ranches in Texas? I have broken an arm, leg, and my nose before, and I didn't need any stem-cells to make me bionic.

Steve Austin was the Six Million Dollar Man, and that was a TV show. Not real. I don't want to have Steve Austin fighting a probe and have to worry about our nation playing around with stem-cells. America's first bionic couple, Steve Austin and Jamie Summers, don't need that kind of stress in their lives when they are making little bionic babies. What about lasers? Maybe we could use lasers to cut holes in the wal!l as if we were to run through the wall, Wile E. Coyote style? That would be cool.

Buddy: Starting from a position of fear and paranoia to determine the course of scientific progress is the devil’s playground my friend. Your argument is nothing more than a modernized version of the Salem Witch Hunts. True, there is a need for caution. True, there is a need for regulations. But to deny the possibilities outright for no better reason than to pander to the ignorant superstitions, propaganda, and prejudices of a powerful yet misled sliver of the population in order to make up lost ground in the upcoming midterm election is par for the course with this president and his administration. I bet you’d change your tune if that baby arm was growing under your belly within reach of your think tank. So go dance around your fire, finish a cave drawing, and repel with fear at the sight of progress and leave the science thingy’s to the “uprights”. Isn’t it time for you to do your homework? I’ll get the T.V. Guide.

North Korea vs. Iran

Steve: North Korea's Kim Jong Il has the market cornered on insanity. The guy had South Korean film director Shin Sang-ok and his actress wife, Choe Eun-hui, KIDNAPPED so he could start a movie industry in North Korea. It's said that he has fathered 13 illegitimate children. If this guy isn't running for the Democratic ticket in '08, I don't know who should be.

Let's see, nukes in the hand of a crazy person? Make North Korea a parking lot. Now.

Buddy: I don’t disagree with your argument, but I have to go with Iran. The truth is I’m still pissed off about the whole hostage thing and their current president was in on the whole thing. I’m not sure what role he actually played because I don’t feel like researching but I definitely heard it somewhere. Listen, every country has radical extremists but why does the Middle East have so many? I’ll tell you why. Sexual repression. Any time a community of men can’t get a regular look at a little T&A or cop the occasional feel they go nuts and start killing things. It’s true. When was the last time we had a bombing or school shooting in America by someone who was getting some? It is always geeks and outcasts with bad skin. That’s why Kim Jong Il doesn’t really worry me…he’s getting plenty.

Why didn’t Clinton take a stronger stand against terrorists and let the military dwindle? He was getting a lot. Why is Bush so eager to go to war? You figure it out. I put it to all my readers, stop sending troops and send porn. We’ll make a little mess and save a lot of lives.

Brandon Routh vs. Christopher Reeve

Steve: Wow. What a crappy luck of the draw. I have to choose Routh for one reason: he isn't crippled. This is not to make fun of Reeve, but that tragedy is exactly that: a tragedy. Routh has his whole life in front of him, and did an admirable job in the new Supes flick.

As I am sitting here, one other EXCELLENT reason to pick Routh has occurred to me. Brandon Routh has not shared spit with crazed has-been Margot Kidder. 'nuff said.

Buddy: All I hear about this new Superman flick is what a good job Routh did impersonating Christopher Reeve. I quote the Author of this very blog, “Brandon Routh did a nice job in the role. Very Reeve-esque as Clark Kent.” Is margarine better than butter? Is Steve Connolly better than Elvis? Brandon Routh did nothing more than conjure up the memory of the one great Superman/Clark Kent. And don’t try that cheap Margot Kidder cop out. Anybody could kiss Kate Bosworth. Only a true hero could or would kiss the hag Reeve kissed.

Carbs vs. Protein

Buddy: If you’re so into protein I have an all meat diet for you. BING! But seriously, Carbohydrates are the most abundant class of organic compounds found in living organisms. They originate as products of photosynthesis, an endothermic reductive condensation of carbon dioxide requiring light energy and the pigment chlorophyll.n CO2 + n H2O + energy CnH2nOn + n O2

So as you can see they are very important to have. Besides, I tried the Atkins Diet once and after a week I couldn’t take it any more. I even had dreams about meat. Of course, this is no big deal for you because you always dream about meat. BING!

Steve: Bing? Twice? I feel like I'm watching zany comedian Rip Taylor running through a studio audience throwing confetti on people. Anyways, now when I think of carbs, I will think of science class. When I think of science class, I think of Mr. Thompson throwing my brother out of class for not having a pencil. When I think of my brother being thrown out of science class for not having a pencil, I think of how much different that day would have been for him had he had a pencil.

Back to protein. Steak = protein. Case closed. Don't get me wrong, carbs are awesome, especially in the form of Italian bread or potatoes. These two are so intertwined when it comes to what makes up a kickass meal, it's not even funny. What is funny is watching Sylvester Stallone beat up slabs of protein in Rocky.

Barbaro vs. Ryan

Buddy: Let me start by saying that Barbarro is a story that America cares about. He’s a champion. He’s innocent. He’s a hero that all Americans can rally around as a source of hope and inspiration in that we don’t have to accept and be restrained by the old rules, rather we can move forward and forge new paths of glory. Barbarro is an American icon who will live on in our hearts well after he is gone. Ryan on the other hand is a funny little guy with some peculiar notions on capitalism. If we left it to Ryan we would tear down the very fabric of what makes this country great. Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy. He saved my ass in Nam when we were kids. That is to say he saved my ass from NAMBLA. Anyway, you have to wonder why Ryan hates Barbarro so much. I mean this level of odium is usually reserved for the great rivalries of history like Lincoln and Douglas; Hitler and Ava Braun; my mom and dad…but for Ryan to abhor this horse so much hints at a deeper problem. What that is we may never know but one question remains…does Ryan have a problem with the horse or does Ryan have a problem with Ryan.

Steve: Wow. Let me ask you a question, Buddy. Have you been raped by a horse lately? Ever?! I will tell you, my friend, I haven't either. Let's put ourselves in Ryan's shoes. Not saying he has been horse-raped at all. I was just wondering if you have ever been taken sexually by a horse. Ryan's disdain for our future bottle of Elmer's is to be commended. I, for one, am also tired of hearing about it. You see, I will never tire of headlines about Iraq, North Korea, Bush screwing up a word, Jessica Simpson, Tiger Woods, or how evil conservatives are. We don't get those headlines enough. I know when I read thousands of articles like that daily, I still do not get my fill. Imagine my surprise to see the Barbarro articles after being so gloriously mind-numbed by the media. What are they thinking? I am not mentally prepared to handle anything but sensationalistic alarmism. Bastards.

Rush vs. Florida Customs

Buddy: Listen, Rush needs Viagra because everyone is trying to screw him. It is hard enough for Rush to face the daily pressures of mega stardom without every Tom, Dick, and Harry trying to catch him with his pants down. Florida customs has the right to search and the right to detain and even the right to question the seemingly mislabeled prescription for Viagra. But they called the press. They invited the media down in an obvious attempt to embarrass Mr.Limbaugh. I challenge the Florida jelly fingers to call the media every time they come across a suspected misdemeanor. Good job fellas! As far as I’m concerned this bunch of dangling CHADs are just looking for a story to tell their grandchildren about the day they stuck it to Rush Limbaugh.

(Ghost-written by Sonny Crockett): Look pal, we have a job to do, and I don't care whether you like it or not. Tubbs and I rely on Florida customs to help us save lives, pal. Who knows what other forms of smack Limbaugh had on him, pal? If I had my way, pal, they'd search every radio host with priors. Listen pal, I'm more than happy to beat this point into your head, because you just won't get it and never will. Pal. Pal pal pal pal pal. Pal! How much is Viagra, anyway. Pal?

Superman Sorta Returns

2006-07-16T15:33:00.000-07:00

You know, I give this movie a thumbs up, with conditions. I am viewing my opinion of the movie after Ryan informed me that it seemed as if Lex Luthor gave Superman a Kryptonite shard in the ass.

It made me rethink my opinion of how Lex served his prison time.

Okay, we'll get to the conditions in a second...first the good stuff.

The special effects were great, as they should be. The whole "listening from space" thing was a pretty cool idea. Brandon Routh did a nice job in the role. Very Reeve-esque as Clark Kent. Huge props to Kevin Spacey who ushers in a great performance, as usual.

CONDITIONS

1.) You are ok with real estate being the motivator in killing millions.
2.) You are also ok with the rationale that you will get away with the scheme because people will buy the property.
3.) You are also ok that the property itsself really sucks.
4.) Lois Lane had Mr. Morality's baby. Superman having a child, and not being married to the mother, kind of takes away from the whole schtick, doesn't it? Ryan also mentioned that a superbaby kick while in the womb could be potentially disastrous. I agree to a point. Superman's powers come from the sun, so maybe the baby has to "charge up"? Regardless, I don't want to get into the "Super-semen" debate and what kind of damage that could cause, people. That's just sick and wrong, so stop thinking about it.
5.) Superman's exposure to kryptonite sure seems a little inconsistent. He has an assload of kryptonite inside of him. He should be dead. Period.

All in all, I liked it. As with any movie about dudes flying around in tights, you need to suspend reality a bit.

Debunking Morons

2006-07-08T12:22:00.000-07:00

Hi! Good to see you. I have beer in the fridge.

Recently, my support of the coaches was questioned.

http://bighuskerfan.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=345147&highlight=#345147

On BHF, I respect their moderation policies. Here, however, I can say that Boy1derrrr is an absolute idiot, without question. Aside from his cool chick-ogling pictures in a bar, his post provides zero proof. In this very blog I have shown support for our coaches. Callahan in particular.

On Huskerpedia, let's look at some other proof for our "in-need-of-JennyCraig" friend...

http://65.98.70.3/vbbs/showthread.php?p=493201#post493201
http://65.98.70.3/vbbs/showthread.php?p=496676#post496676
http://65.98.70.3/vbbs/showthread.php?p=498538#post498538
http://65.98.70.3/vbbs/showthread.php?p=498654#post498654
http://65.98.70.3/vbbs/showthread.php?p=502456#post502456
http://65.98.70.3/vbbs/showthread.php?p=517669#post517669
http://65.98.70.3/vbbs/showthread.php?p=522281#post522281
http://65.98.70.3/vbbs/showthread.php?p=522974#post522974
http://65.98.70.3/vbbs/showthread.php?p=583730#post583730

I got bored of searching...

So, BoyAssMangler, I submit even more proof to you.

Have fun!

Open Letter To "Rod"

2006-06-15T06:28:00.000-07:00

Recently I was on a message board watching some flamers (no, not the gay kind), and saw this link...

http://huskerhell.blogspot.com

"Rod", I gotta tell ya, while you are spot-on, maybe coaches and AD's should not be bothered with stupid crap like this? A couple reasons why...

1.) We need to remember that the message board in question is completely easy to trap/make look stupid. Their members are predictable in every way. Example: Frank Solich and his GHB claim. It was only a matter of time before someone started exploiting and making fun of the drug. They think they are making fun of Solich, but any woman who has been brutally raped while under the influence of said drug may not find cutesy avatars saying "Got GHB" so cute. That's the beauty of these guys. They are extremists, and nothing is easier than making an extremist make an ass out of himself.
2.) Elevated self-importance. The aforementioned nutjobs also believe they are, alone, the saving grace of Husker nation, and everyone else is garbage. When you send a letter to a coach and an AD, I really think you are enabling their delusions of grandeur.

Again, spot on with your observations, but let's keep it where it belongs: on message boards (plural) that no one at Nebraska athletics gives a rip about. Any administrator worth ANYTHING would do well to distance themselves from people who make fun of date-rape drugs, alcoholism (as that could potentially alienate the majority of the "TV" fan-base), and are so utterly vulgar, that it would make most hookers hanging out at 25th and Farnam blush.

Piece of advice, "Rod": get on a board somewhere and rile 'em up. I joined a board with a lot of these yahoos on it, and it was fun watching them self-destruct. Perspective is valuable, and it's important to keep it when dealing with people who haven't had a date with a female. Ever.

D to the ildo

2006-05-29T18:44:00.000-07:00

LOL! Bugtussle, who from this point forward will be known as Nimrod, posts this doozy on BigDeadBoard...

"And the trolls wonder why we left them to stew in their own bile."

Link, please. Trolls would be every single member of the Huskerpedia message board. Name one who wonders why you societal rejects are gone, or gives a shit. Oh that's right, no one does.

At least Huskerdave finally got it. Chalk up another one for the old failed test. Anything assumed to be linked to a "troll" has to be crap. Even when the "troll" in question didn't do it.

The idiocy never ceases. Wonder how long it will be before Chad moves the thread.

Gimme Two!

2006-04-05T22:37:00.000-07:00

Here are two reasons to watch American Idol...

Hoo boy.

Anyway, let's answer some mail! These are e-mails from people who apparently are not comfortable leaving a public comment.

Fucker,

Your blog is gay and so are you. Rot in hell.

This was unsigned, and I will refrain from posting the non-descript e-mail address. That said, I enjoyed your comments! Hopefully you will write more, as your scintillating banter is certainly witty and not hate-filled. I also hope that when you get out of prison/your mom's basement you will have turned that frown upside down.

Steve- What do you think of Beck's play so far this spring?

I can only go off of reports I read on the net or the paper since I seem to have misplaced my invitation to practice, but from what I have read, the guy, while talented, isn't quite ready to take the keys and drive by himself. What I wonder is how the guys who projected him to be the next coming of Christ feel (besides the general excuses). Naturally he will continue to develop in the system, but I can't see him breaking many records at Nebraska.

Dude Fergie is steaming hot.

I am going to go out on a limb here and agree with that. They'll be in Chicago soon. I'm sure all the scantily clad Fergie wannabes will be in attendance trying to figure out just what they will do with all that junk. All that junk insi-dat trunk.

Pistons will lose to San Antonio in the finals this year. Just so you know.

Listen bub, call me and my blog gay. Stalk me, create fake usernames on my defuct message board, but this? I mean, come on.

Seriously, if that's how we end up (SA and DET), it's going to be a great series. Home court advantage could mean everything here. Detroit's record at home is awesome. The Spurs are no slouch, either. Look for Phoenix to step it up in the off-season. I base that on Nash's ability to lead, and the fact that I just want the Lakers to take a wrong turn on the way to the playoffs, and end up in Fallujah.

Flight of the Pop-Tart

2006-03-31T07:16:00.000-08:00

The other day, I was having a very high-level meeting with a former business associate. It was so high-level that I couldn't expect you to fully comprehend the magnitude of the discussion. It's just not fair to ask you to increase your clarity that much. Asking you to do so would be like asking Salma Hayek to be an ugly hag. We all know that will not happen.

Allow me to break it down for you. Pop-Tarts need an overhaul.

For many years, Pop-tarts have been available to the public, offering a completely unhealthy, yet tasty, breakfast alternative for those with an "on-the-go" lifestyle. The nice thing about Pop-Tarts is that it allows you to justify being too friggin' lazy to get your @$$ up and cook breakfast by implying the aforementioned "on-the-go" lifestyle. As a kid, I'd have taken Blueberry Pop-Tarts over eggs and bacon any day of the week. As an adult…not much has really changed.

In a nutshell, we've been given alternative choices with several products over the years: Oreos have given us multiple flavors, and most importantly, they gave us "Double Stuff" Oreos. If this isn't a sign that there is a God in Heaven, then you need to get to church, pal. By allowing us to indulge by doubling our stuff (I think "stuff" is also the technical term for the white crap). My idea for "Quad-Stuff Oreos" is the stuff of another blog.

Capt'n Crunch also, at one time, sold boxes of Crunch Berries WITH ONLY THE BERRIES. Someone out there is getting it, people. For the love of all that is holy, eating cereal devoid of the crunch, and just containing the berries is what dreams are made of, my friend.

With Pop-Tarts, I contend they also need to double their stuff, to create, as my esteemed colleague called it, a "Super-Tart", perhaps a "Mega-Tart". There's a science behind eating a Pop-Tart, so you can enjoy the filling.

1.) Eat the side crusts.
2.) Each "end crust" contains trace amounts of frosting. Select the side with the least, and eat that part next.
3.) Eat the remaining, frosting-laden end crust.
4.) You are now ready to eat the remainder of the Pop-Tart. Enjoy!

As an alternative, I have found that if you make two, you follow the same procedure, but stack the middle after you've annhilated the sides and ends. This creates a faux-Super-Tart. Fortunately, I have already organized a letter writing campaign to the good folks at Pop-Tart International. We are on fire right now with zero letters. At this rate, I expect the face of quick breakfast solutions to be changed by the year 2036. Who is with me?

Blog Neglect Is A Crime!

2006-03-12T21:04:00.000-08:00

Well, it's not really a crime. It's more of a case of the "travels". For the people who have been asking where the updates are, I've been spending way too much time in airports, and when I am home, I am spending time with the family. I have no trips until April, then I travel quite a bit between then and the end of fall. So chances are high there will not be a lot of updates. Darn, I know.

Let's run down the list of crap...

Pistons Hit 50

50 wins and 12 losses. Though the Pistons have lost 3 of the last 5, they are still headed for a pretty nice post-season. It was cool to see 4 Pistons in at the same time during the All-Star game, even though All-Star games are generally played at about 80%.

The freakin' LAKERS beat the Pistons. Ugh.

Welcome Back Bob and Virginia!

Heh. Old Bob gets to watch his wife act like a sloot on a message board to other posters. The fun!

Lucky #1

Marlon Lucky is topping the charts with his hit "No Holes To Run Through". Seriously, he's heading into spring in the top spot and I wish him well. The running game is a focus for Callahan and his staff. They've been doing great fixing things up. Special teams aren't near as "short bus-special" as they were, and the receivers started to catch balls thrown by wonder-QB Zac Taylor. I can't get enough of this guy, and hope he continues to play like a champ (barring injury and crappy line play, he'll do just fine). I'd also like to see him play Sundays after he graduates. Might be a reason to watch the pros. That's as far as I go though, my friends. Unlike others, I do not need any BRB towels to wipe up any man-chowder due to excessive man-crushes that result in a tailgate circle jerk infested by self-promoting nutsuckers who use the word "stud" way too much when referring to other men.

Bits & Pieces

Marcus Vick got out of a jail term. We're just delaying the inevitable here.

Slobodan Milosevic checks out, much to the delight of trillions.

Fewer news stories offer depth. The same can be said about this blog.

Later!

Music "Review"

2006-01-06T13:03:00.000-08:00

What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?

Clearly the male here is showing concern with the female, and her choice of lifestyle/wardrobe. I mean, it’s a fair question. When one dresses provocatively, certain questions come up. It’s not at all meant to imply that by dressing skimpy, or flaunting yourself in a provocative nature means that you’re “asking for it”.

I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump. My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)

The female in question here is in dire need of attention, and seems quite confident in her physical appearance. This can be a very unhealthy mix, and can lead to bad things.

I drive these brothers crazy, I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely, They buy me all these ice-s.
Dolce & Gabbana, Fendi and then Donna
Karen, they be sharin’
All their money got me wearin’ Fly gear but I ain’t askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n, Se7en Jeans, True Religion,
I say no, but they keep givin’ So I keep on takin’
And no I ain’t fakin’ We can keep on datin’
I keep on demonstrating.

Our young friend is getting unwanted attention, yet accepts it anyway. By doing so, she is perpetuating an environment of continued sexual harassment. By telling these potential suitors “no” up front, she saves all involved time, trouble, and gains a higher level of self-worth in doing so.

When a relationship is based off of love of one’s “ass”, there is certainly trouble brewing.

My love, my love, my love, my love
You love my lady lumps,
My hump, my hump, my hump,
My humps they got u,
She’s got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me

Again, there’s a re-affirmation of her physical attributes, and how impressive she perceives them to be. Here, also, the male admits that she’s got him spendin’. He has a serious lack of self-control, when he is attempting to court a young lady who tells him no. She, however, must shoulder some blame, as she is leading the young man on.

What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump.
What u gon’ do with all that ass? All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream Make u scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. (Check it out)

More of the same, really. The fact that she is completely aware that she is, in fact, leading this young man to believe that he may have a chance at tapping our young lady friend here is preposterous.

I met a girl down at the disco. She said hey, hey, hey yea let’s go. I could be your baby, you can be my honey Lets spend time not money. I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff, Milky, milky cocoa, Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

The young man in question has apparently had absolutely no luck in a real relationship. The dialogue he shares with a potential mate is shallow, at best. My main concern is that he may not be eating a nutritious breakfast. Cocoa Puffs, while delicious, is not the best thing one could be eating in the morning. Remember folks, it’s “part” of this nutritious breakfast. On the commercial, that would usually include fruit, orange juice, and toast. If he wants to spend time, and not money, a dozen eggs takes your dollar a lot further than a box of Cocoa Puffs.

They say I’m really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin’ at my lump, lump.
U can look but you can’t touch it, If u touch it I’ma start some drama,
You don’t want no drama,
No, no drama,
no, no, no, no drama
So don’t pull on my hand boy,
You ain’t my man, boy,
I’m just tryn’a dance boy,
And move my hump.

Here she goes again, practically throwing herself at these men, yet when push comes to shove, she is pulling the “oh no you di’int” card when these fellows are trying to feel her hump, hump. By telling these men to not pull her hand because “you ain’t my man, boy” just tells the whole story. Abuse is acceptable to her if it comes from one’s partner, as opposed to your typical hump/lump feeler.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps x3
In the back and in the front.
My lovin’ got u,
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me.
What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon’ do with all that ass? All that ass inside them jeans?
I’ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk, Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon’ do wit all that breast? All that breast inside that shirt?
I’ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.
She’s got me spendin’. S
pendin all your money on me and spendin’ time on me
She’s got me spendin’.
Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me.

She is consistent…that I will tell you for free. She is, however, informing him that she is going to make him work when questioned about “all that breast inside that shirt”. This clearly implied that this man has a chance, and from other indications, this is supposedly unwanted attention.

In conclusion, this is a poor reflection on today’s relationships, sets back women’s equality approximately 40 years, as well as shows what co-dependency can do to a person. I will state, however, that the video ROCKS, because that chick is a hottie!

Hodge-podge mish-mosh riff-raff

2005-12-21T08:25:00.000-08:00

Garden of the Gods. What a great part of the country. My trip to Colorado Springs/Denver was a ton of fun. So much, that I'll be going back soon!

I took a lot of good pictures and was very "tourist-y". I was also glad to know that the Denver are has three Fuddrucker's. That's always good news.

The Inverness in Denver was very nice, and had a great view of the mountains.

In what has turned out to be an extremely overblown situation, Josh Freeman has *gasp* decided to go to Kansas State instead of Nebraska, after being a "strong" commit. The only ones in a real uproar about this are the nerds. The ones who play NCAA college football games on PS2/xbox, and have to "recruit" in the off-season. This, naturally, makes them experts. This happens all over the country every year. But I know it boosts ones self-esteem to trash the kid for making a decision he felt was best. REGARDLESS of how he did it. He's a freakin' kid. What the hell do you expect, maturity and life-experience? Hardly.

The Pistons are on a 5 game win streak and are sitting at 20-3. WHOO!

Count/Pointercount

2005-12-03T19:44:00.001-08:00

Grown Men with Harry Potter Fever vs. Grown Men with Star Wars Fever

Steve: Grown men with Star Wars fever. Why? See that pic of Princess Leia? Normally I'd say 'nuff said. Not today, my friend. Harry Potter has made a bajillion dollars at the box office. Star Wars has, also. Grown men have a reason to be a little nerdish about Star Wars. Why? Well, for most of us, we saw it AS KIDS. Harry Potter stars children. I just can't watch it with any interest. Are there any kicka$$ Mandalorian bounty hunters in Harry Potter? Nope. Sure, a cool spider or some weird dog, but no force choke. No lightsaber. Imagine how much damage Potter could do with a light saber? Heads would literally roll. I could sign up for that. Harry Potter is missing high fatality counts, also. How many clones, officers, etc. were destroyed in either Death Star? Sure the second one may not have had as many bad guys as it had contractors hurrying to get the job done, but you know a crapload of people lost it. Harry Potter is missing that special "bite" that one gets from looking at Carrie Fisher before the drugs took hold.

Ryan: OK, I admit, Harry Potter does not have Mandalorian bounty hunters, nor does it have force chokes, lightsabers, the Force, stormtroopers, or Carrie Fisher in a metal bikini. What does it have? It has a basis in reality at least that people actually believe in wizards and witches, and have a real place in human culture. Remember the Salem Stormtrooper trials? Oh, or how about the Roman Galactic Empire? Let’s put it this way, if I have to choose between my dorky friend or family member dressing up as either a witch or a stormtrooper, I’m probably going to go with hanging myself.

Make another Star Trek series vs. For God's Sake let Star Trek Die

Steve: The theme song to Enterprise. Does anything else need to be said? How can we watch an aging Data? Isn't he an android? "Captain Picard, I apologize for my appearance. It seems my positronic relays have fused into the experimental aging chip that Geordi installed. I'm getting wrinkles and am swelling. Where's Spot?" Scotty's dead. So is Dr. McCoy. Sulu's gay, for God's sake. Shatner is more round than captain-ly. Throw Marina Sirtis in topless, and I pluck down the cash, otherwise, let's let it stand as is.

Ryan: Dude, make another one!!! Give us a ship named Enterprise and fly around space solving problems and stuff. Throw in an alien or two an we’re happy. Know why the last three shows sucked? The first was a space station that stayed in the same spot. Not good. Then, we had a ship sent to the nether regions of the galaxy. Not a bad premise, but apparently all the cool aliens live in the Alpha quadrant. And then, the show-that-must-not-be-named-starring-Scott-Bakula. That show was so bad it was nearly unspeakable. Listen, maybe it’s time to return to the old format…you know, Enterprise in danger and they solve the problem. We seemed to like that. Give us what we want. Lastly, have you seen Marina Sirtis lately? No offense, but I won’t be attending her Betazed wedding.

Improving Des Moines vs. Des Moines sucks no matter what you do

Steve: Des Moines sucks. Seriously. You can't get decent variety of pizza in this town. Be-Bop's is the best burger in town? Please go to Omaha and eat at Bronco's, or preferrably a strong chain like Fuddrucker's or Jimmy Buffet's Cheeseburger In Paradise, which is the best thing Buffet has ever done. Try to sit through this guy's music for more than an hour. To do so would mean you have to sniff Everest-sized drifts of the Columbian's finest white lady. Des Moines has some bright spots, without a doubt, but it's always going to be Omaha's little, stinkier brother. We could improve Des Moines by having newsbabes Stacey Horst, Elizabeth Klinge, and Lynn Melling oil wrestle on TV. See, I have solutions!

Ryan: We have a problem in Des Moines…and ironically, it’s that the name of our city is Des Moines. How are we supposed to get a sports team when most people can’t even pronounce the name of the city? We even had to name our Arena Football team the “Iowa” Barnstormers because no one thought the Dez Moy-nez Barnstormers sounded about as tough as it sounds. But hey, we have blue pedestrian bridges now!!

Here’s the solution…change the name to River City. The River City Rampage, the River City Rebels….”Hey man, I live in River City!!” “Wow, that’s pretty cool!” You know, we’re a city, we have a river running through the city…it just works. You can still have newscasters from Omaha oil wrestle…I’m flexible.

No water in Chinese town vs. No water in American town

Steve: I'd prefer to be without water in an American town, because I can whine to the U.S. government until enough people just start giving me hand-outs whilst I do nothing to improve my own situation. In China, if one is to whine about a lack of water, a tank comes out of nowhere to run your whiny- a$$ over. Period. I prefer to be run over by something other than a Commie gettin' his tank on. That's real.

Ryan: You know what’s real? The Chinese have a billion people. Running water is a must. And I think the tank driver’s restraint at not running over the Chinese student at Tienamen Square shows the Chinese government’s restraint. What are you, some kind of Chinese-hater?

The upper 1% vs. The rest of us

Steve: I have to go with the rest of us, because I have no frame of reference. Sure I can imagine what life would be like in the upper 1%. Salma Hayek cleaning my bathroom mirror naked, a Fuddrucker's built into my home, the ability to sell a jar of my own urine on eBay and get thousands for it...the list goes on. As it stands, I have to believe that if we band together, we could take 'em. I bought some bags of urine that we could throw at them!!

Ryan: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I almost snorted my champagne out of my nose!!! All of you peons need to realize, we own you so thoroughly that you don’t even know that money really does grow on trees. Trees that only we know the location of. Speaking for all rich people, we aren’t satisfied until we have taken every last buffalo nickel from each and every poor person. Would you like to participate in a regressive tax on poor people that we like to call the “powerball”? No? We’ll see when the jackpot is over 200 million. Oh, and by the way, you show your ignorance of the rich lifestyle talking about Selma like that. Like she would just clean ANY surface while naked. She only waxes naked, and then it’s only on Onyx on perhaps Greek marble. Also, what is Fuddrucker’s? Is that some establishment where the poors gather to talk? Lastly, you will never gain any wealth trying to sell your urine that cheaply. My urine books at $10,000 per ounce minimum. Poor people make me laugh.

Jamie Foxx as Ray Charles vs. Joaquin Phoenix as Johnny Cash

Steve: Go Johnny Cash! Mr. Cash's story, quite honestly, is more interesting. Forget that Ray Charles is blind, I give out no handicap points in this analysis. Cash was a bada$$. A rebel. Ray Charles' story is just kinda sad, really. I mean the guy couldn't even SEE the drugs he was taking in. Musically, Cash was more original, whereas Ray, who was great, just doesn't stand out in American culture the way Johnny Cash does. When Ray can posthumously cover a Nine Inch Nails song, color me impressed, until then, put on the man in black.

Ryan: Hi, I’m Earth. Have we met? Ray Charles is BLIND. You can’t just gloss over that. Cash was a rebel…you know why?

He took gospel sounds and turned them into country rock. You know who did that first? A guy named Ray Charles. Oh, and he fought against segregation in the south by refusing to perform before segregated audiences. You can’t be serious that Cash stands out more in our culture…Ray Charles got

more sympathy than Reagan did when they died. And, Ray sang the most compelling version of “America the Beautiful” ever!! Ever heard the term “Hit the Road, Jack?”

Hmmm….where did that come from? Lastly, it was impressive that Cash posthumously covered a song. Ray, posthumously won a Grammy. Five of ‘em.

Neither of us even mentioned the movies by the way. Having watched them both, they both rocked. Best line from Ray? “I make it do what it do.” Best line from Walk the Line? “He looks like he’s going to a funeral. (Cash says: “Maybe I am”.)

Pistons Over Knicks

2005-12-03T08:10:00.000-08:00

What an awesome game lastnight between the Pistons and the Knicks. Detroit won at home 106-98.

Pictured left is Tayshaun Prince greeting his former coach before the game. All Piston starters went over to greet Knicks coach Larry Brown in a huge sign of class.

The game was tight in the first half, but things got ugly in the third. The Pistons put on a clinic, outpacing the Knicks 24-8 to go up 83-67. The Knicks brought it back within 5 with just over 3 minutes left in the game.

If anyone hasn't watched the Pistons play this year, they are missing out.

Piston legend, and my all-time favorite NBA player, Isiah Thomas was honored lastnight, unveiling his name and retired number on the court.

Thomas led the Pistons to back-to-back titles in 1989 and 1990.

As President of the Knicks, Thomas watched his team get their tails handed to them, but lastnight's game was more than points. It was a sign of sportsmanship between the two clubs, as well as Knick coach Larry Brown getting the Detroit trip out of the way.

Brown was not looking forward to it, but he handled himself well, and huge kudos to the Piston team for acknowledging Brown as they did. The NBA is starting to look better.

Rando

2005-12-02T12:38:00.000-08:00

Larry Brown and his Knicks are playing Detroit. Obviously there needs to be some media-hype here, as it's Brown's first trip back to Detroit since leaving the team last year. Coach Flip Saunders and the Pistons are doing just fine, coming into the game at 11 wins and 2 losses, whereas New York is at 5-9.

Detroit is playing very well early on, and, unlike the Lions and Tigers, can lay claim to having a well-run organization in the Pistons. Condolences for the Detroit Lions' scapegoat, Steve Mariucci. Shut that team down and ship 'em out.

Former Nebraska coach Frank Solich pleaded no contest to driving while plastered. An unfortunate scenario for Ohio. The fallout on this should be interesting to see. A huge thumbs down to people who find this hilarious. Shows the typical classlessness expected by some. Some random quotes...

"Fuck Frank Solich."
"sorry, don't mean to laugh,,,,,,, who am I kidding "
"Frank the tank! Frank the tank!"

All class, there (insert raging sarcasm). What Solich did was inexcusable. No question. He has a responsibility, and he provided a horrible example. Hopefully this will not occur again, and he can learn from it, and not jeapordize anyone's safety.

I'm hoping for a Nebraska/Michigan bowl game. Since my wife is from Michigan, I'll take great joy when Zac Taylor picks apart the weak Michigan secondary. GO BIG RED! I'm also hoping that Texas takes down USC in the title game, this year. The mancrush people have on USC is the textbook definition of homo-erotic.

In personal news, I'm looking forward to my trip to Colorado December 11th thru the 14th. I'm flying into Denver around 1 pm on the 11th. Anyone know any good spots? I hear Garden of the Gods is supposed to be cool.

Snippets

2005-11-28T07:12:00.000-08:00

First things first. A couple blogs ago, I said we do not have any evidence of "blowout victory".

We do now.

The Nebraska/Colorado game was artwork on virtually every level. One game does not a successful program make. But I know I have no problem with it! Keep this level of play up, and it's back to dominating consistently. Hats off to the Huskers!

Michael Irvin was busted with another drug charge. REALLY?? Wow, that's like being surprised when Lawrence Phillips gets arrested for...well, anything. They need to breakdown news stories into categories.

1.) Actual News.
2.) Same Old Crap.

Mr. Irvin is relegated to number 2 status. Well done, you stupid addict.

The Saddam Hussein trial starts, then stops again. There are few instances where a trial should be circumvented. For example, when a person is on video, taking their neighbors eyes out with a spoon, or if you are a former dictator who killed countless thousands of your people. This farce is going to last entirely too long.

In Rock and Roll Hall of Fame news, inductees included this year:

1.) Black Sabbath. Hmm. Not sure here. Iron Man is catchy, but that whole drugged out Satanic thing was overrated to begin with.
2.) Miles Davis. For sure, get him in there!
3.) Sex Pistols. I still think this is a joke by the Associated Press. I mean, come on.
4.) Blondie. The man from Mars is through with cars.
5.) Lynyrd Skynyrd. Heck yeah! It's about time, too.

Word.

Point/Counterpoint

2005-11-11T15:27:00.000-08:00

Mortal Kombat series vs. Grand Theft Auto series

Ryan: I'm going with Grand Theft Auto. I realize that Mortal Kombat was the first of the "offensive games", but Grand Theft Auto has taken it to a whole new level. Sleeping with prostitutes, drive by shootings, and gang warfare aren't optional, you HAVE to do them. You can just kill innocent civilians at will, and then kill the cops! In fact, one of the best pastimes for fans of the game is to just indiscriminately kill everyone possible until the cops, FBI, even army are sent out to take you down. I once killed 1,000 people before I was taken out by an army helicopter. Rumor has it there is a mod that makes sex with your girlfriend a mini-game. Grand Theft auto is raising a whole generation of kids, the generation that will plunge our society into an extended darkness. I can't wait until the sequel comes out!!

Steve: You know, GTA has nowhere near the CREATIVE appeal that Mortal Kombat has. If I want GTA-style action, I can go to the closet, break out a couple of firearms, and hit the shopping mall. However, I can't put on my rice hat, and teleport behind you, then nail you with electricity that comes from MY HANDS. Or after pummeling you repeatedly, I'm not confident I could, in real life, grab you by the throat and pull your head off with your spine dangling, dripping gallons of blood. Real life scenarios aren't why one should play video games. Pr0stitutes, or beating the crap out of a four-armed Shokan warrior? Maybe you're right...

Disappointment of Iowa Fans Vs. Disappointment of Nebraska Fans

Ryan: Of course I'm going with Iowa. This was supposed to be the year that we became the dominant team in the Big 10, or at least secured our place with Michigan and Ohio St. as the annual teams to beat. We were the sexy pick for the national championship or at least the Big 10 title. But, after embarrassing losses to Iowa St. and Ohio St, an injury to our best receiver (Ed Hinkel), and losing two games that we led in the fourth quarter to Michigan and Northwestern (the first two times that Iowa has ever lost under Ferentz when leading after 3 quarters), I'd say that this season has been a miserable, over-hyped disappointment. Now we have to go to Wisconsin and win during Barry Alvarez's last home game and beat a pesky Minnesota team just to get a better bowl game than playing the MAC champion in the Motor City Bowl. PUKE. And now, the over-hype machine is starting to roll for basketball, which "should" "compete" for the Big 10 "title". Or, as I like to call it, be the best looking team in the NIT. Someone save me from this hype!

Steve: The disappointment of Nebraska fans is much worse, because it boils down to this: Nebraska has been consistently successful. Iowa has always been a schizo team. No one knows from one year to the next whether they will suck or not. With the Huskers expectations are being lowered from the kool-aid drinkers, while old timers find what is happening now inexcusable. This makes it a tough time to be a Husker fan. The fan base is polarized, while Iowa's fan base is used to complacency. :-)

Squeezing blood from a turnip vs. Nailing Jell-O to a tree

Ryan: Blood from a turnip. You know why? You can actually squeeze blood from a turnip. I've done it. It's called getting Scott Kilgore (our old boss) to give you a warranted compliment without also trying to tear you down. Wait, did that happen? Maybe I'm getting that confused with this dream I had where he disemboweled me in a field of bloody turnips. I get confused sometimes.

Steve: Nailing Jell-O to a tree. Why? I've also done it. It's called trying to reason with Scott Kilgore over...well...anything. "Hi Scott, we had a record night in sales lastnight, and we had zero turnover for the week!" I say. He replies, "Records aren't good enough, in fact nothing is good enough, try calling me back and telling me something impressive, like you just beat the crap out of God and stole his bike. Ingrate."

I guess the only consolation is the "relationship" I had with his wife.

Terrell Owens vs. The Eagles

Ryan: I'm going with Terrell Owens believe it or not. You know why? He is going to sit at home the rest of the year, and still make millions. You have to respect that. He doesn't even have to play, and he's making more than most players that kill themselves every week do. In fact, I'm starting to even respect T.O. a little....oh, wait, that's just gas from eating Mexican food today. Sorry.

Steve: I have to go with the Eagles for the fact that they get to take a guy and sit him out because of attitude. The beauty is Owens will, more than likely, sit back, blow his money, then end up playing for some crappy team making crappy money because he let his ego in the way. He will die broke, and will possibly be driven to substance abuse, robbing convenience stores to fund his latest fix. Enjoy your vacation, Terrell!

Unbridled Hate vs. Unquenchable Greed

Ryan: I'm going with unbridled hate. Besides, who is actually making these bridles for hate anyway? Yoda? What do they look like? I just think that anyone with enough hate in their heart can let it out and destroy anyone and anything. If you have hate in your heart, let it out!! You know, this is kind of like the terrorists vs. the oil companies now that I think about it. Did I just side with terrorists?

Steve: Unquenchable greed wins this, easily! With this type of affliction, you will be able to buy happiness as close as your nearest ghetto street corner. With greed, you are far too busy trying to acquire rather than focusing on hate. Hate gives you such blind rage that you get sloppy. With my good friend greed, you can systematically destroy things and people around you in a much more meticulous, rewarding manner. Once I hated a guy so much, I beat the crap out of him. Another guy I felt similarly about, received the honor of me stealing his girlfriend, who was using his car and credit card for a date. Hate is uncontrollable power, greed is vindictave, and causes greater long-term damage. Can I borrow a dollar?

Piston's Win, Husker Fans Lose

2005-11-09T08:30:00.000-08:00

Maurice Evans (pictured) and the Detroit Pistons are 4-0 thus far! They beat Sacramento last night IN Sacramento for the first time since 1996.

An interesting note: during the team introductions before the game, when Detroit was introduced last night, thery played a video montage showing abandoned buildings, burned-out cars, etc. Coach Flip was none too happy, and rightfully so. I mean, the city of Detroit certainly does have a stigma attached to it, but to perpetuate that during a sporting event is not classy at all. Detroit received an apology.

I guess if you are going to lose by 14 to the best team in the league, you have to make your shots in ways that don't include a ball and a hoop.

Things are a regular laugh-riot in Huskerland. People are going absolutely ape$#!+ over the loss to Kansas. I understand as well as anyone the frustration in losing to...Kansas. It's hard to type, and it's even harder to say outloud. However, it happened.

This week people (fans/media) are really putting some pressure on the defense. I saw these stats on a message board...

In 2004 conference play, NU defense allowed:30 PPG and 421 total yards per game.Team finished 3-5 in conference play.

Through 6 conference games in 2005, allowing:30 PPG and 388 total yards per game.Team currently sits at 2-4 in conference play.

Very interesting. I feel the defense (and it's pretty obvious) has slacked the last couple games, but I'm having a hard time blaming them. Let's look at the mentality for a minute...forget X's and O's and talent-factor, these guys played quite well early in the year. How much can we expect the defense to continue to carry a ball club whose offense is more dismal this year than last? If I am a blackshirt, I have to start asking "What's the point? We aren't going to score, anyway."

Offensively, Zac Taylor has proven to be a better QB. Let's look at QB stats through 9 games last year, and this year:

2004: 119/255, 46.7% completion, 1677 yards, 15 TD's and 18 picks.
2005: 176/327, 53.8% completion, 1892 yards, 13 TD's, and 10 picks.

Overall, a better performance. The problem is the rushing game. It's not that we aren't attempting to rush, the thing I find frustrating is we aren't solving the rushing attack.

Again, through 9 games:

2004: 349 carries, 1671 (net) yards, 4.79 per carry, and 17 TD's.
2005: 308 carries, 825 (net) yards, 2.75 per carry, and only 7 TD's.

Wow. Our line has to be able to provide opportunities for Zac to get the ball off without feeling like he's being stalked by Steve Pederson groupies, and they have to make some holes for Ross to run through. Note the difference between saying our players suck, and making an observation.

People are starting to say that Callahan needs to start worrying about his job. I say forget that. All along I've said that this is not the season we are going to start shining in. Next year, I expect significant improvements, but you don't install a new offensive scheme overnight. Even the kool-aid girls go into full meltdown mode after virtually every game, whining about the poor playing. These are the same people who complain about the PLAYERS consistently, yet "support the program".

Whatever. Pretenders. You don't support a program unless you support the people involved with it. Specifically, that's coaches on down. Not Athletic Directors or even Chancellors. The program consists of people putting in blood, sweat, and tears on a daily basis. Not some suit who, when Nebraska wins, never hesitates to be visible, but after losses is hard to find. This is a perplexing trend. If I was Callahan, I'd worry about that.

Regardless, the Huskers will continue to play poorly this season, and could very well lose to KSU and to :::shudder::: Colorado. I hope they do not, but we don't have evidence that says "blowout victory".

This team needs us to root for them, and critique it in a way that isn't demoralizing and acting as if the world is ending. Let's hope for a re-energized defense, and some blocking up front. We see that, and our chances are much better than they were last Saturday.

Count/Pointercount

2005-11-08T12:16:00.000-08:00

Ryan sent some gems over recently, and we have more on the way!

Suicide bombers vs. Carpet bombers

Ryan: Nothing says loving like a good old fashioned carpet bombing. The firestorm of Dresden is a great example of how thousands and thousands of bombs can incinerate all people, places, and things in an entire city!! In fact, we probably wouldn't have won WWII if we didn't carpet bomb. That's how the USA should solve all relations with all nations that disagree...immediately carpet bomb their 10 largest cities!! I can't imagine it would be much worse than our current foreign policy...

Steve: Carpet bombing is NOTHING compared to the gruesome-ness of a suicide (homicide) bomber. Carpet bombing certainly has its place, without question. However, the bombers aren't really getting their hands dirty. A suicide (homicide) bomber gets his hands dirty, but digging in the trenches, as it were. He gets to take clear advantage of the fruits of his labors by having his entire body fly apart in a bloody, bone-splitting manner. Nothing says committment like eating soup at a sidewalk cafe and having a suicide (homicide) bombers eye fall onto your spoon after he decided to let go.

Christian Bale and George Clooney as Batman vs. Michael Keaton and Val Kilmer as Batman (tag team match)

Ryan: Will Adam West be the special guest referee? I say Bale and Clooney just because Bale was awesome as Batman and Clooney could've been good if the movie wasn't directed by a child with a moderate level of rational thought. I know I'm picking against Lindsey Lohan's Dad in "Herbie: Fully Loaded", but come on...what happened Mr. Keaton?

Steve: I go with Keaton and Kilmer because Keaton is...well, he's Keaton, and Kilmer was Doc Holliday in one of the best movies of all time. People fail to understand that Keaton was blacklisted from a lot of different projects when he declined to reprise his role as Batman after Batman Returns. The guy is a phenomenal actor, and Kilmer's Tombstone performance alone outshines anything that George "I'm a smug piece of crap who is very much in love with my head-tilt" Clooney. Bale is awesome, but teamed with Clooney, he gets over-shadowed by a guy who probably has his own picture in his wallet.

George Bush selection of new Supreme Court Justice vs. PowerBall selection of new Supreme Court Justice

Ryan: Powerball baby!! At least then we wouldn't have the most jaded and ridiculous selection process on Earth. Consider, we actually pick people to sit on the Supreme Court, the branch of government that interprets the Constitution, by trying to find people who appear moderate but actually have pre-conceived opinions to cases that haven't even happened yet!! You know what? The best thing that could happen to the Supreme Court is to have a career truck driver named Virgil Clive be a justice on the Supreme Court. I can't wait to read his opinions!!

Steve: I go with George selecting his picks for the sole reason that I tend to feel better when I make my choices in life after watching Bush make ANY choice. When he picked that old lady, I felt so much better about my choosing to have all the rain forests mowed down, or choosing the Huskers to win over, oh I don't know, KANSAS.

Angelina Jolie is a great humanitarian vs. Angelina Jolie is a dirty, homewrecking (word that rhymes with "boar")

Ryan: I'm going to leave you with what you want here, so I'm going to begrudgingly say that at least she did adopt an Ethiopian boy. And then handed him over to her staff of nannies and sets up his allowance through her agent.

Steve: I go with the homewrecker. Nothing cries "AWWW YEAH" like Angelina when she sets her sights on some fresh married beefsteak. Going with this opens us up to the possibility of tabloid pictures in compromising situations, as well. I'm waiting for her to have some home movies stolen.

Bill Callahan throat slash "gesture" vs. Bill Callahan actually cutting a ref's throat

Ryan: I think the most effective thing to improve ref's calls would be the actual death of a referee at the hands of a coach. I think a throat-slashing would be a great way to go. The call happens, the ref backs up to the line, and then Callahan pulls out a shiv, cuts the throat, and then palms it to his defensive coordinator and tries to deny the slashing even though it's all over the jumbotron. Sorry, ref...that's not a reviewable call. No flag, FIRST DOWN!!!

Steve: I concede on this one. Sharpen up.

Pic farked up (quite nicely) by TwilightendZone

Pistons Destroy Sixers

2005-11-03T06:38:00.000-08:00

Detroit opened up the regular season lastnight by slapping the living crud out of the Philadelphia 76'ers. It was a thing of beauty, to be sure. Crybaby Iverson, while scoring well, apparently showed some negative emotion towards his teammates on the court. Does this surprise anyone? The guy is one traffic stop from being a felon.
For the Pistons, Richard Hamilton had a great night with 37 points, and Chauncey Billups pitched in with 12 points and 10 assists.

An excellent game recap can be found by clicking here.

Friday, Detroit squares off against the Celtics.

In "No One But The Media Cares...and Maybe Jack Nicholson" news, Kobe Bryant led the Lakers to a victory lastnight, giving Phil "I need the job" Jackson a win on his opening game back with Los Angeles. I am very excited to read all of the drama that's sure to come up this year between Kobe and Phil. I'm hoping that I can read that Kobe and Phil, after a month of ego problems, decided that they were secretly in love, and decided to leave the NBA altogether so they could skinny dip in the Arctic.

Point/Counterpoint

2005-11-02T07:50:00.000-08:00

My friend Ryan and I have heated debates on many serious social issues. Here is our latest...

Minnesota Vikings sex boat scandal vs. "Scooter" Libby CIA leak scandal

Steve: Nothing, until now, has made me a fan of the Vikings. This one is short and sweet: I want to party with those guys. CIA leak scandal? The only people who care about this is the press. Everytime I hear about it, I think "Genocide in Africa on page 792".

Ryan: Nothing says "class" like leaving used condoms for other people to clean up. What a country we live in. A high-level government official is basically guilty of treason, but no, the top scandal of the week is a bunch of black dudes screw cheerleaders and leave used condoms for others to clean up. Doesn't that happen everyday?

Faith in God vs. Faith in Money

Steve: I love money. I love it very much. It's as if I was destined to run the Denver mint, and concoct the ultimate scheme. That being said, should I enjoy the money and make it a priority? This runs the risk of eternal damnation, which for me would be a locked room playing Air Supply's greatest hits whilst McCart farts on my face with Kilgore (our old bosses) screaming in the background.

Ryan: Nice one, that is a scary version of hell. I'm going to have to go with Faith in Money though, because at least if that happens I might accumulate more than Kilgore and McCart, and then I can fart in THEIR faces in hell. Now, that's my idea of heaven!!!

Sesame Street is poisoning our youth vs. Sesame Street is important for child development

Steve: Sesame Street, comparitively, has done much more for our youth than, say, the Backstreet Boys, N Sync, 98 Degrees, and Britney Spears. Jim Jones really knows how to poison youth. Besides, having had a child that went through the Sesame Street phase, nothing relieves you more when she says "No I don't want to watch that, it's for little kids". Now if we go just muppets, then we need to discuss Miss Piggy. The only reason there is ANY forgiveness is the whole "Yoda's voice" factor. "Sucks, Miss Piggy does, yes".

Ryan: Woah, you have issues dude. Anyway, any show that has a pimp (they call him the count), and drug-addicted elephant (yes, "Snuffy") a gay couple taking baths together (Hi, Bert and Ernie) and that labels all homeless people as "grouches" might need to be "reworked". Although, I shudder to think of a cleansed Sesame Street with "Politically correct values and ideas".

Salsa versus guacamole

Ryan: Salsa all the way. What the hell is guacamole anyway? I'll tell you. It's that stuff that people say, "what the hell is that? Can't I just have some salsa?" Plus, it's good for you, or so the salsa companies tell me. In fact, there is a man from the Pace corporation standing right behind me telling me that Salsa is far superior. Hey, take it easy with that hot poker, salsa-man!!

Steve: Guacamole, whilst looking like baby poop, is at least TWICE as good as salsa. When I eat salsa, I always have the same reaction: "Mmm, pretty good." However, a good guacamole dip will always solicit this reaction: "Holy F bomb! That $#!+ is AWESOME!!!" Why am I the authority? Look at my stomach. Okay, now look at Ryan's. Let me know when you find it.

Taliban versus Iraqi militants

Ryan: Tough one. I'm going to have to go with the steadfast determination of the Taliban, because they are still claiming ownership and sovereignty in Afghanistan!! Perhaps they didn't notice the election and the fact that they weren't on the ballot, or the fact that their passcode doesn't open the palace doors anymore. But, no matter, they are still there, fighting tooth and nail to be the proud rulers of...a bunch of rock and useless land. Now that's patriotism..

Steve: Iraqi militants get all the press. I know that if I am in Afghanistan, and a taliban nutjob straps a white phosphorous grenade to his sack and blows himself and 13 other up, it's not going to get as much airplay. After all, America was pretty united in going into Afghanistan. Iraq, however, gets the designation of "WTF". An Iraqi homicide bomber (no, it's not suicide), is always going to be making Katie Couric get all serious every time. It's like a band signed by a huge music label (Iraq) versus the local band led by singer Joe Duffy (Taliban).

Ronald Reagan's corpse versus a couch

Ryan: Ronald Reagan's corpse. Are we talking on what's more comfortable to sit on? Then yes, definitely, Ronald Reagan. Anyone who has sat on my couch would agree that his corpse..any corpse, is more comfortable. And, finally, it would be ok for my dog to eat the couch!!

Steve: I am going with the couch, only because if you get the right couch, you could store the corpse. 'Nuff said.

The Nebraska Slasher!

2005-11-01T12:35:00.000-08:00

During Nebraska's loss to the Oklahoma Sooners on Saturday, Husker coach Bill Callahan made a gesture that is causing a lot of heat in Huskerland.

According to some, he is making the old "throat slit" gesture to an official.

I have to pause for a moment while I try to figure out what the hell is wrong with our fans.

Ok, I am back. We'll get to the rabid kool-aid drinkers and the constant critics in a second.

"I'm sure that the damage is already done out there, but I think it's blown out of proportion," Callahan said. "I don't know where we get all these gang symbols and all. This is gesture-gate or something. I don't know where it's coming from. I got emotional and I didn't like what I saw."

He continues...

"I talked to the supervisor of the officials last night. In that conversation he said, 'Bill, we don't even know what you're talking about. There was no flag. There was no report,'" Callahan said. "I was frustrated. I was emotional. I made a gesture. I'm going to fight for our team. I'm going to fight for our players. I'm 49 years old. I'm not going to use a gesture. I think this is way blown out of proportion."

That's enough for me when the supervisor of the officials is basically saying "Yeah whatever" to Callahan. Let's forget that Callahan is pulling out some bizarre coach speak by saying "I made a gesture" and following it up with "I'm not going to use a gesture".

Can we focus more on supporting the team when they need it? How about by focusing more on little things like "scoring", and "winning", and "showing up in the first half". You know, little tiny things like that.

As far as the gesture goes, this is SPORTS, people. How many times do coaches and players use signals? Here and there, I think. As far as the threat of killing a man by slitting his throat, that same symbol is also used for stop what you're doing, no, and possibly in this case, no touchdown because of the hold, you retarded blind official.

For those saying it is not a throat slash, shut up. For those saying it is and he meant it in a way that was indicative of Jason Voorhees type bodily harm, then please join the shut up group and stand in the corner.

It is amusing watching the kool-aid club act the way they do over this issue. Callahan and/or Pederson could walk out to the 50 yard line, and take a crap in the face of a wheelchair-bound vegetable, and they'd praise it as if Christ himself had come down from the heavens and denounced the option play.

The anti-Callahan crowd is using this as another reason to pile on criticism, even though, as far as the actual act, there is no need for a critique. His post "death threat" comments could use some polishing, but the whole thing is stupid to begin with.

Let's focus on the team, and stop this incessant need to try and find drama around every corner. Our offensive line is giving us enough drama.

Blog Neglect Is Not A Crime

2005-10-27T06:59:00.000-07:00

Well, I can tell you without any doubt that I hate moving. I like the final result, but getting there is a nightmare. This space will probably collect a little more dust over the next couple weeks. But if I can get some time, I will throw some crap up.

RANDOM CRAP

CAT FOUND BUILT INTO WALL OF NEW HOUSE

Please give me a break. From the article..."The builder estimated the cat had been stuck in the walls at least three weeks."

Three weeks.

"Poor little thing. So sorry we built you into the house," Vano said.
Vano took the cat to a veterinary hospital, where he's being called Hal, because he was found just before Halloween. The homeowner hopes the cat's owner will come forward."

I'd like to add that the cat's owner can't come out, as they are in the concrete foundation.

Nebraska lost to Mizzou. That was a bummer. I find it pretty funny how people (morons) went completely insane over Terry Douglass' prediction picking Missouri over the Huskers. He was raked over the coals in a huge way. Odd that his name is not mentioned at all after the game...

Terry's prediction: Nebraska 21, Missouri 31.
Actual Score: Nebraska 24, Missouri 41.

I like Nebraska's chances against Hillbilly Nation this weekend. If someone could please fire up the O-line, that'd be great. Thanks.

The Pistons are 4-2 in the preseason. Whoo!

The White Sox did what the Cubs can't and won't do. Kudos to them.

...back to moving.

More Dress Code Drama...

2005-10-20T17:57:00.000-07:00

Well, some NBA players are throwing a hissy fit over the dress code.

The Pacers' guard, Stephen Jackson, said he thinks the NBA is afraid the league will be too "hip-hop". To the esteemed Mr. Jackson I say this: you aren't in the hip-hop industry, you are a basketball player. You can dress like that on your off time. I have a full time job, and can't wear a Nebraska Cornhusker t-shirt every day, because it's against dress code.

"But boss, it's who I am, it's part of my culture to wear clothes that supposedly define me!"

You're fired. Shut up.

Paul Pierce of the Celtics says "When I saw the part about chains, hip hop and throwback jerseys, I think that's part of our culture. The NBA is young black males.'' Your culture is not your clothes. And if it is, I'd start looking into a culture a little less focused on absolute retardation. I went into a Kentucky Fried Chicken, and every single employee was hispanic. However, I didn't see enchiladas, salsa, and burritos on the menu. In fact, none of them wore sombreros, either.

Allen Iverson of the 76'ers shows the most narrow view, "I feel like if they want us to dress a certain way, they should pay for our clothes,'' he said. "It's just tough, man, knowing that all of a sudden you have to have a dress code out of nowhere. I don't think that's still going to help the image of the league at all.''

Dude, the league HAS a bad image, and it's time to clean it up. Basketball is an awesome sport, and it pays you very well. And pay for your clothes? If I were an owner, and thank God for the players I am not, anyone refusing to follow the dress code will convert their salary for that season to the league minimum, and THEN I would buy their clothes for work. "They should pay for our clothes" indeed.

The NBA has gone downhill in almost every way. The attitudes above are a reason why.

NBA Dresscode

2005-10-19T10:30:00.000-07:00

In what I think is a great move, the NBA has instituted a dress code for players. NBA commish David Stern defends it here.

In it "...players must dress in "business casual" attire, the league banned items such as sleeveless shirts, shorts, sunglasses while indoors, and headphones during team or league business.

The policy also requires players on the bench who are not in uniform to wear sport jackets, shoes and socks."

What is wrong with this policy? One player argues that it alienates the majority of the fan base. I argue that an excuse like that is horseshit. I think it sets an example.

RIP Jason Collier

2005-10-15T12:19:00.000-07:00

Jason Collier died in his sleep lastnight of a heart attack.

This is obviously a huge loss to the Collier family. The Atlanta Hawks have also suffered a loss of more than a player, they lost a guy of great character. While being with the Hawks for just a short time, Collier was quite active in local charity/community events. He had a reputation as a selfless guy.

His NBA future was bright. Rest in peace.

Golf Courses

2005-10-14T19:22:00.000-07:00

I'm off to Colorado next week, and was wondering if anyone has been out to Centre Hills golf course?

LMK.

Pistons 2-0

2005-10-14T09:44:00.000-07:00

Detroit has taken down the Bulls and the Bucks in pre-season play thus far!

New coach Flip Saunders really has walked into an easy situation. The Pistons are an excellent team, and consistently put the team before egos. Saunders is obviously bringing the three-pointer back into the frey for Detroit. Billups sunk three of them in the third to give Detroit the lead.

Joe Dumars has really made some solid moves with this team, and Detroit should be in for another Finals run this year.

HaymarketHusker

2005-10-12T14:24:00.000-07:00

Please go and read this. This guy has outstanding posts. An excellent preview to the NU/Baylor game.