My friend Ryan and I have heated debates on many serious social issues. Here is our latest...
Minnesota Vikings sex boat scandal vs. "Scooter" Libby CIA leak scandal
Steve: Nothing, until now, has made me a fan of the Vikings. This one is short and sweet: I want to party with those guys. CIA leak scandal? The only people who care about this is the press. Everytime I hear about it, I think "Genocide in Africa on page 792".
Ryan: Nothing says "class" like leaving used condoms for other people to clean up. What a country we live in. A high-level government official is basically guilty of treason, but no, the top scandal of the week is a bunch of black dudes screw cheerleaders and leave used condoms for others to clean up. Doesn't that happen everyday?
Faith in God vs. Faith in Money
Steve: I love money. I love it very much. It's as if I was destined to run the Denver mint, and concoct the ultimate scheme. That being said, should I enjoy the money and make it a priority? This runs the risk of eternal damnation, which for me would be a locked room playing Air Supply's greatest hits whilst McCart farts on my face with Kilgore (our old bosses) screaming in the background.
Ryan: Nice one, that is a scary version of hell. I'm going to have to go with Faith in Money though, because at least if that happens I might accumulate more than Kilgore and McCart, and then I can fart in THEIR faces in hell. Now, that's my idea of heaven!!!
Sesame Street is poisoning our youth vs. Sesame Street is important for child development
Steve: Sesame Street, comparitively, has done much more for our youth than, say, the Backstreet Boys, N Sync, 98 Degrees, and Britney Spears. Jim Jones really knows how to poison youth. Besides, having had a child that went through the Sesame Street phase, nothing relieves you more when she says "No I don't want to watch that, it's for little kids". Now if we go just muppets, then we need to discuss Miss Piggy. The only reason there is ANY forgiveness is the whole "Yoda's voice" factor. "Sucks, Miss Piggy does, yes".
Ryan: Woah, you have issues dude. Anyway, any show that has a pimp (they call him the count), and drug-addicted elephant (yes, "Snuffy") a gay couple taking baths together (Hi, Bert and Ernie) and that labels all homeless people as "grouches" might need to be "reworked". Although, I shudder to think of a cleansed Sesame Street with "Politically correct values and ideas".
Salsa versus guacamole
Ryan: Salsa all the way. What the hell is guacamole anyway? I'll tell you. It's that stuff that people say, "what the hell is that? Can't I just have some salsa?" Plus, it's good for you, or so the salsa companies tell me. In fact, there is a man from the Pace corporation standing right behind me telling me that Salsa is far superior. Hey, take it easy with that hot poker, salsa-man!!
Steve: Guacamole, whilst looking like baby poop, is at least TWICE as good as salsa. When I eat salsa, I always have the same reaction: "Mmm, pretty good." However, a good guacamole dip will always solicit this reaction: "Holy F bomb! That $#!+ is AWESOME!!!" Why am I the authority? Look at my stomach. Okay, now look at Ryan's. Let me know when you find it.
Taliban versus Iraqi militants
Ryan: Tough one. I'm going to have to go with the steadfast determination of the Taliban, because they are still claiming ownership and sovereignty in Afghanistan!! Perhaps they didn't notice the election and the fact that they weren't on the ballot, or the fact that their passcode doesn't open the palace doors anymore. But, no matter, they are still there, fighting tooth and nail to be the proud rulers of...a bunch of rock and useless land. Now that's patriotism..
Steve: Iraqi militants get all the press. I know that if I am in Afghanistan, and a taliban nutjob straps a white phosphorous grenade to his sack and blows himself and 13 other up, it's not going to get as much airplay. After all, America was pretty united in going into Afghanistan. Iraq, however, gets the designation of "WTF". An Iraqi homicide bomber (no, it's not suicide), is always going to be making Katie Couric get all serious every time. It's like a band signed by a huge music label (Iraq) versus the local band led by singer Joe Duffy (Taliban).
Ronald Reagan's corpse versus a couch
Ryan: Ronald Reagan's corpse. Are we talking on what's more comfortable to sit on? Then yes, definitely, Ronald Reagan. Anyone who has sat on my couch would agree that his corpse..any corpse, is more comfortable. And, finally, it would be ok for my dog to eat the couch!!
Steve: I am going with the couch, only because if you get the right couch, you could store the corpse. 'Nuff said.
3 comments:
SPH, keep in mind that I had to take the counterpoint here. You have to admit though, the republicans don't look great right now, and more indictments might be coming. These people are corrupt and should be removed from power before they do anymore damage...but I'm a liberal, what do I know? But, this is all fun and games here. I don't think Sesame Street should be reworked, and great point about keeping my butthole in hell...I never thought about that.
Fun and games is the spirit.
Just trying to liven things up. I felt like you guys were dancing. I've seen much better cheap shots.
C'mon boys, let's wrassel.
sph is in tha hizzy!
EXCELLENT comments, by the way. I particularly liked the "Scandals" and "Faith" comments. Well played. It's time to turn it up a notch, Ryan. :-)
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