Point/Counterpoint

Mortal Kombat series vs. Grand Theft Auto series

Ryan: I'm going with Grand Theft Auto. I realize that Mortal Kombat was the first of the "offensive games", but Grand Theft Auto has taken it to a whole new level. Sleeping with prostitutes, drive by shootings, and gang warfare aren't optional, you HAVE to do them. You can just kill innocent civilians at will, and then kill the cops! In fact, one of the best pastimes for fans of the game is to just indiscriminately kill everyone possible until the cops, FBI, even army are sent out to take you down. I once killed 1,000 people before I was taken out by an army helicopter. Rumor has it there is a mod that makes sex with your girlfriend a mini-game. Grand Theft auto is raising a whole generation of kids, the generation that will plunge our society into an extended darkness. I can't wait until the sequel comes out!!

Steve: You know, GTA has nowhere near the CREATIVE appeal that Mortal Kombat has. If I want GTA-style action, I can go to the closet, break out a couple of firearms, and hit the shopping mall. However, I can't put on my rice hat, and teleport behind you, then nail you with electricity that comes from MY HANDS. Or after pummeling you repeatedly, I'm not confident I could, in real life, grab you by the throat and pull your head off with your spine dangling, dripping gallons of blood. Real life scenarios aren't why one should play video games. Pr0stitutes, or beating the crap out of a four-armed Shokan warrior? Maybe you're right...

Disappointment of Iowa Fans Vs. Disappointment of Nebraska Fans

Ryan: Of course I'm going with Iowa. This was supposed to be the year that we became the dominant team in the Big 10, or at least secured our place with Michigan and Ohio St. as the annual teams to beat. We were the sexy pick for the national championship or at least the Big 10 title. But, after embarrassing losses to Iowa St. and Ohio St, an injury to our best receiver (Ed Hinkel), and losing two games that we led in the fourth quarter to Michigan and Northwestern (the first two times that Iowa has ever lost under Ferentz when leading after 3 quarters), I'd say that this season has been a miserable, over-hyped disappointment. Now we have to go to Wisconsin and win during Barry Alvarez's last home game and beat a pesky Minnesota team just to get a better bowl game than playing the MAC champion in the Motor City Bowl. PUKE. And now, the over-hype machine is starting to roll for basketball, which "should" "compete" for the Big 10 "title". Or, as I like to call it, be the best looking team in the NIT. Someone save me from this hype!

Steve: The disappointment of Nebraska fans is much worse, because it boils down to this: Nebraska has been consistently successful. Iowa has always been a schizo team. No one knows from one year to the next whether they will suck or not. With the Huskers expectations are being lowered from the kool-aid drinkers, while old timers find what is happening now inexcusable. This makes it a tough time to be a Husker fan. The fan base is polarized, while Iowa's fan base is used to complacency. :-)

Squeezing blood from a turnip vs. Nailing Jell-O to a tree

Ryan: Blood from a turnip. You know why? You can actually squeeze blood from a turnip. I've done it. It's called getting Scott Kilgore (our old boss) to give you a warranted compliment without also trying to tear you down. Wait, did that happen? Maybe I'm getting that confused with this dream I had where he disemboweled me in a field of bloody turnips. I get confused sometimes.

Steve: Nailing Jell-O to a tree. Why? I've also done it. It's called trying to reason with Scott Kilgore over...well...anything. "Hi Scott, we had a record night in sales lastnight, and we had zero turnover for the week!" I say. He replies, "Records aren't good enough, in fact nothing is good enough, try calling me back and telling me something impressive, like you just beat the crap out of God and stole his bike. Ingrate."

I guess the only consolation is the "relationship" I had with his wife.

Terrell Owens vs. The Eagles

Ryan: I'm going with Terrell Owens believe it or not. You know why? He is going to sit at home the rest of the year, and still make millions. You have to respect that. He doesn't even have to play, and he's making more than most players that kill themselves every week do. In fact, I'm starting to even respect T.O. a little....oh, wait, that's just gas from eating Mexican food today. Sorry.

Steve: I have to go with the Eagles for the fact that they get to take a guy and sit him out because of attitude. The beauty is Owens will, more than likely, sit back, blow his money, then end up playing for some crappy team making crappy money because he let his ego in the way. He will die broke, and will possibly be driven to substance abuse, robbing convenience stores to fund his latest fix. Enjoy your vacation, Terrell!

Unbridled Hate vs. Unquenchable Greed

Ryan: I'm going with unbridled hate. Besides, who is actually making these bridles for hate anyway? Yoda? What do they look like? I just think that anyone with enough hate in their heart can let it out and destroy anyone and anything. If you have hate in your heart, let it out!! You know, this is kind of like the terrorists vs. the oil companies now that I think about it. Did I just side with terrorists?

Steve: Unquenchable greed wins this, easily! With this type of affliction, you will be able to buy happiness as close as your nearest ghetto street corner. With greed, you are far too busy trying to acquire rather than focusing on hate. Hate gives you such blind rage that you get sloppy. With my good friend greed, you can systematically destroy things and people around you in a much more meticulous, rewarding manner. Once I hated a guy so much, I beat the crap out of him. Another guy I felt similarly about, received the honor of me stealing his girlfriend, who was using his car and credit card for a date. Hate is uncontrollable power, greed is vindictave, and causes greater long-term damage. Can I borrow a dollar?